Okay so I realized this is probably not going to be what I originally planned; I was gonna just write some poems and updates about my daily fuck boy encounters, but now Idk I wanna just be free to say what I please so here it goes. I am not gonna sugar coat things so if you are just gonna judge my choices I suggest exiting now. 

I literally ruined so much shit in my life especially in the last 7 months and honestly I am at peace with it. There were so many boys in these past months (legit too many to remember), I didn’t do stuff with all of them but I definitely thought about it with most. My best friend doesn’t even know some probably because I didn’t care about 50% of these boys anyway. July 5th, 2015 I started talking to this boy, N, and he made me feel special but also destroyed me. I let him in thinking he was an amazing guy (holy fuck if only I knew). I was hurt for 3 months while I was with N (plus probably 2 after we broke up) and I needed to feel happy so I thought meaningless “hookups” (more or less guys that could give me attention) was the way to go (FYI I was very wrong). Anyways from September-January I slept with 5 guys, I know it’s a lot. You see the things was I needed an out from my pain and heart ache. Between all this I met this guy, A, and I thought I had gotten so lucky. Lol @ me because yes he was fucking terrific compared to the last guy but still I know I am a princess and deserve so much more than this asshole. One day A asked me if I’d meet him at the mall because he was there and really missed me, of course being “in love” I said yes. Anyways I met him there and his cousin wanted to meet me, so being the good little girlfriend I agreed and met his cousin, C. It was very quick but it was nice he wanted his family to know me. Later on A told me C thought I was too pretty to be with him (which had so many fucking problems but whatever that is another story all together). So me and A didn’t work out (funny huh, should have known) After him I hooked up with two different guys in like 3 weeks (it is still gross to me). I decided you know what I need to stop being this little dirty slut and work on me and find someone good for me. So after about a month and a half I met D (he is about 2 years younger lolol mistake #100947). He seemed pretty chill and just the type of fun outgoing guy I needed at time (still wrong). Anyways that ended because he was so immature and ignored me for like 30 hours and I am so not okay with that so I freaked out on him. Then very recently R and I started talking. He is way into me but it was super sweet. The way he looked at me or talked to me honestly made my heart melt. I tried so hard to give him a chance but you see how can I give someone my all when I can’t even give myself my all? He is great just I think it won’t be right and  I have to stop hurting him. He says he needs me to stay but like I just wanna go so he can forget about me and find a girl to make him happy. Then within the last two weeks A gave C my number. because At first I was very hostile and did not want to talk to him. After a while I said fuck it and started to give this dude a chance. So on Friday night we hung out and the world stopped like legit I forgot everything and then I went out Saturday night on a “walk” (about 8:40 pm, it was already dark). And he came to pick me up and again it was the same amazing feeling. I wanna focus on me but then this boy has me kinda fucked up. Honestly just wanna figure me out. 

In these last few months I have really discovered myself and major fuck boy qualities though so I guess that is something. 


2 thoughts on “Boyss”

  1. I know its easy to get carried away. Trust me, I know. I think its better to restrain yourself than to regret your choices. If you’re regretting sex with people, don’t do it with them. Wait until you’re sure you won’t regret it. Other than that, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having sex unless you feel like its bad for you. If you’re looking for love in it where you know you won’t find it, then its unhealthy. But don’t feel bad about being a slut. You do what you want with your body. You do what you want with your heart. Take control of it.

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