Friday night.

So Friday night I saw him. It had been almost 11 months really since I saw down with him and hung out. It was only sitting at the beach for a few hours. But it made me see how much I missed his friendship. His touch and his way. 

Only a few days before seeing him on Friday I texted him for the first time since last year. We had a full hard out messy ending to our friendship. It was me who ended our friendship. But I felt like I was doing the right thing cause of the shit his girlfriend posted about me on Facebook. She really took bad mouthing someone to a new level. Making up shit about me frauding the government. Me abusing animals and my kids. (Like to know this was a load of shit. She was making it up to hurt me. And she knew it would hurt me.) But me and hurt use to be good friends. 

We the thing is in 2014. For about 6 months the three of us slept with each other and had 3/4somes almost every week. Sometimes I brought a friend along as well. But me and him sometimes played by ourselves. Went out for lunch and movies. I know it was bad. But our friendship blossomed into a little like love. We both knew we could never be together. But we both trusted each other. So when his girlfriend posted all that shit about me. My heart broke. He use to always tell me that loyalty and trust was important. And that snitches get ditches, you never bad mouth anyone yet this is what she did. It destroyed me to think that she thought this was ok. She is as well older than me. When I told him about this, apart of me thought he would get her to shut up and say sorry and to talk to me if she had a problem. I also wanted to know why she did it. (I thought she was doing it cause she knew him and I were kinder flirty and been with each behind her back.) i did end it tho between him and I 3 months before her bad mouthing so I really don’t know why. But he didn’t take my side. And that’s why I ended. 

Anyways. Back to why I messaged him after awhile. Was cause all I could do was think about him. How he taught me some of the world in BDSM. I hadn’t found another guy make me feel the way he made me feel. Not that I was after a relationship with him. So we were texting heaps and then I saw him Friday night. And he was telling me that his girlfriend was still bad mouthing another people and making their life hard. She lost her job cause she wasn’t doing her taxes. And how CYFs were involved with them and the kids cause she slapped one of the kids across the face. Then we kissed. And those feelings came back. But I know nothing should and will come from this cause I don’t need the drama and I know he doesn’t love me that way. But I felt special. And at the same time it makes me feel lonely and unwanted cause he really only wants to see me cause things ain’t going well in the home life. 

Feeling unsettled. 

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