Today wasn’t so bad. I woke up about 11 am. It was nice, since the past week I’ve been waking up at like 6 am, going to bed at like 12, so about 6 hours of sleep. But yeah, last night I slept well. Maybe about 8 hours, maybe more.
Nothing to eventful today, just quiet. My dad was out to work all day, so I had the house to myself for a while. I like the silence. Maybe I like it too much, I don’t know. It’s just something about not seeing or hearing other people, or maybe seeing them from far away and watching them talk to each other or share a hug or make a vague laugh that I can barely hear about some obscure joke. That makes me happy. Just seeing other people talk to each other and be happy with each other and watching it from a distance really makes me feel good. But you know, it’s not even just that. I also like complete silence. I used to stay at campus until 11 at night just so I could practice martial arts. Afterwards, I’d head out to my car, which I park in the lot on the very edge of campus, sort of close to the sidewalk so I can start walking immediately when I arrive in the morning. But the quiet nights are beautiful. Late at night no one is around, there’s a chill in the air, it’s mostly dark, just a few dim lights here and there in the distance, but the sidewalk is well lit, I imagine for safety and security. By the time I get to my car it’s already 11:20, and I still have a 20 minute drive home. But I love it. I love looking on the usually busy street where everyone turns into campus and seeing it completely empty. The lights are just changing color, and no one is around to see it. I like watching my breath come out in the white puffs and watching them go away. I like the drive to get home. There are no other cars on the street and I just drive at whatever pace I like. Sometimes I go 10 miles per hour below the speed limit just so I can appreciate the silence more. I like watching the houses I pass by on the way. Some of them have lights on, and others are completely dark. Some of them are in the woods and are completely dark, and I wonder if the people inside are sleeping well or sharing a quiet movie or maybe having a sick nightmare or being afraid of the shadows of the tree branches in the moonlight. Then I get to the highway. Sometimes there are more cars on the highway, but not alot. I could maybe go 100 miles per hour and no one would see me. Or at least, those who were seeing me wouldn’t care. Or maybe they would care, I don’t know people too well. Maybe they would be scared, like I was some kind of drunk maniac just out of a weird club or something. It’s funny because one time I was driving home late at night and a car zoomed by. All the other cars were going maybe 70 miles per hour since I was keeping up with them and I was also going 70 miles per hour. But yeah, so this car just zoomed by, I think it was an SUV or something. And I laughed. I don’t know why I laughed. Maybe I should have been shocked or angry or afraid or outraged or one of the usual emotions that people feel when they see wild drivers but I didn’t feel any of those things. I laughed. And then I told myself, “Wow, that guy must be in a hurry. Maybe he has to go to the bathroom really badly.” And after that I laughed some more. And then I got home. My parents were watching TV, and they greeted me. My sister was in her room and she was on her ipad, reading manga as usual. Everything was like normal in my house. Well, technically my parents house anyway. Even that day was normal like usual. But all that silence on my way home and seeing that car just loudly speed by made me laugh because it was unexpected. And I like that. It made me happy. Or maybe I was happy because of something else, I don’t really remember that well. But I remember that happening, and that night getting some good sleep. So that was nice.
I don’t really know why I went in this direction. The last entry was just so sad and chaotic and now I’m just sort of feeling ok. Is melancholy the right word to pick? I don’t know, I don’t want to look it up right now. But yeah. Thanks for listening. It means alot.
Take care, ok?