Weight. This is a word that gets me down. It’s a word that brings tears into my eyes.
I have suffered a weight problem all my life. Weather when I was a kid I was a size 10 and that was classed as huge and I was bullied. I was bullied so bad that I had no friends growing up.
Teen life was just as bad. I was size around 12/14 and I was still bullied. I was bullied to the point where I wanted to kill myself. And yes I tried to kill myself. More than once.
I looked in the mirror. And I never liked what I saw starring back at me. I never liked who I was turning into. As years went on I still felt like this. I tried to diet. But I was still fat.
I had kids and for awhile I was too busy to care about myself or what I looked like.
But about to months ago. I weighted myself and I was huge. I never thought I would be as big as I am today. For the first 4 weeks I dieted hard out. And in 3 weeks I lost 10kgs.
My dieting had slowed down. I am too scared to weigh myself as I don’t think I have lost anymore weigh.
But you see it scares me that I am always going to be a fat chick. And cause of the way I look I think that is why I am single and why no one wants me.
I know it is stupid. But my whole life has been based on been big and it’s based on me not been pretty. I still get shot down today for been big. Sometimes I want to take a knife and cut off my fat. Just to finally be over that struggle I have had every day of my life. Even when I was skinny I was fat. And now I am fat I still feel like shit.
Its also hard going to the gym when I am a solo mum. But I will have to push myself more too lose weight. I am not giving up. Just tired of people not seeing that I am in fact a beautiful person.