Weight.

Weight. This is a word that gets me down. It’s a word that brings tears into my eyes. 

I have suffered a weight problem all my life. Weather when I was a kid I was a size 10 and that was classed as huge and I was bullied. I was bullied so bad that I had no friends growing up. 

Teen life was just as bad. I was size around 12/14 and I was still bullied. I was bullied to the point where I wanted to kill myself. And yes I tried to kill myself. More than once. 

I looked in the mirror. And I never liked what I saw starring back at me. I never liked who I was turning into. As years went on I still felt like this. I tried to diet. But I was still fat. 

I had kids and for awhile I was too busy to care about myself or what I looked like. 

 

But about to months ago. I weighted myself and I was huge. I never thought I would be as big as I am today. For the first 4 weeks I dieted hard out. And in 3 weeks I lost 10kgs. 

My dieting had slowed down. I am too scared to weigh myself as I don’t think I have lost anymore weigh. 

 

But you see it scares me that I am always going to be a fat chick. And cause of the way I look I think that is why I am single and why no one wants me. 

I know it is stupid. But my whole life has been based on been big and it’s based on me not been pretty. I still get shot down today for been big. Sometimes I want to take a knife and cut off my fat. Just to finally be over that struggle I have had every day of my life. Even when I was skinny I was fat. And now I am fat I still feel like shit. 

Its also hard going to the gym when I am a solo mum. But I will have to push myself more too lose weight. I am not giving up. Just tired of people not seeing that I am in fact a beautiful person. 

One thought on “Weight.”

  1. Hey again.

    I get it. Not in the purest way. I can never get you or anyone else completely. But I’m overweight too. In fifth grade, I went to a public school for the first time, since I was always homschooled prior. But I got bullied. I was the fat kid. Obese, actually. And I get it. It hurts alot. It hurt me so much that I never went to a public school ever again until now, when I’ve hit college. And it still hurts, you know? Just seeing myself in the mirror and looking at the little pudges on my body makes me hate myself even more.

    But I should tell you that I’m slowly coming to terms with it. People aren’t so judgemental in college. I even cut back on my portion sizes just last month.

    So take care of yourself, ok? I know you can.

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