Sounds of cars rumble past my open window

A crisp cool breeze comes in as the click clack sound of my keyboard goes faster as I type

I am enjoying tonight even though I am still in hell

My symptoms are not as bad, for hours now not a single suicidal thought

My ears still painfully ring and I hope that’s gone by morning

I sit here almost in euphoria even though I am in pain

For the first time in years I am actually excited about something 

I have the chance to survive and make it through

I’ve been sitting here joyfully picking out simple clothing to have

Adding items needed for the household…it’s a brand new start

I wish this brand new start wasn’t this way, but it is what it is

I don’t think I have ever been more excited for anything in my life

And to feel this is amazing, it’s truly wonderful and I am happy

Fresh start, I breathe in deep the cool air feels amazing as it enters my lungs

I’m going to make it, and I’m going to make this new place my home

It will be simple, but simple is beautiful to me right now and what I need

God has provided me with the means to be able to do this and I feel blessed

Just as I felt blessed earlier today to rest my head upon his chest and feel comfort

To feel loved in a moment when my body, mind and spirit were being so tortured

Everything was overwhelming me as my symptoms were overloading me

But while I was being comforted I felt love, and peace even if it was for only a minute or two

It made me forget about everything that has happened, all of the dark faded as the sun beamed down upon us

His eyes that are extraordinary, bursting of green as the light hit them, so gentle and caring

I see the pain I caused and it hurts me to know he has suffered, he has been put through the ringer

I wish I could convey in words the gratitude, the appreciation, the love I have for him

But there truly aren’t any that could do it justice

If was put on the spot and had to write and convey with words exactly what I felt for him I’d have to drop my pen

To see the pain in his eyes I just want to erase the pain, and replace it with laughter, smiles, and peace

Each embrace I look forward to, every smile, every joke, everything about him I always look forward to

He makes me feel as though I’ve been gone a long time and I’m just returning home every time I am in his presence

Words simply are not enough

I’ve gotten side tracked now but that’s okay it’s 2am and I’m tired yet want to stay awake and enjoy this inner peace

I will continue to peruse through all the wonderful things I am to purchase and I will do so with delight

This night is a blessing, a gift, God’s grace

Tonight is a beacon of hope, I must remember these nights or days when things hurt so bad

They will always come again, God will always come through and pull me out of darkness and lift me up into the light


One thought on “2am”

  1. Yes He will always come through for you. Thank you for sharing your feelings. Your post is very inspirational and uplifting. I wish you health and all good things. In Jesus’ Name.

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