a lil sumthin about me

My names Tabitha Cole ( On Facebook also ) I don’t really do good with talking to people at all really. I’m more-so the quiet one in my family. I made this because I feel like I have nobody, Like I have nobody who cares to listen, or nobody to give me the support I need. My family is broken and it tears my heart to know I cant do anything to save them. It has an emotional strain on my little sister, and it hurts sooo bad to know that i cant do anything to help her feel better about the situation, when I don’t even know what to do to make myself feel better about this situation. Talking about it actually didn’t make anything better, it made me feel like i was looking for pity, or what i was going through wasn’t anything compared to what the next persons going through, which might be true, but it still hurts, and nobody deserves to be left alone, especially when their hurting. So Ima try this, and hope for the best. Im 17 years old, and my boyfriends 21😂 I know, he’s a little too old, but ive never been interested in guys my age. They don’t really like me, even though a lot of people (Family members mostly) tell me that im beautiful , but i dont really feel beautiful .. I Feel like shit. I have insecurity issues, and thats why me and my boyfriend ( Jarred ) bump heads a lot, because im always thinking he’s cheating, or ganna find something better. I Realllllly hope my assumptions are just assumptions, because i fell for him because of his charisma and character, i didnt even care how he looked, or what was in his pockets, people tell me I could do better than him, they say hes ugly and ETC but he has the most purest soul . he’s funny, nice, and everything i would be looking for in a guy. But hes also cocky, ignorant, and hes a ladies man, I dont know whats gnna happen with us, but i hope we stay together, because i dont think i can make it out the same without him. Ima make it regardless, im a strong girl, but even the strongest women have the most simplest weaknesses, and mine just so happens to be failure.  a lot of people dont like being failing, and others take it with a grain of salt, and try something else, but i simply wont stop until i succeed, and if i feel like im ganna fail, i just give up before i can fail. I Guess giving up would be failure itself , but that has something to do with pride i think. I have mommy issues, she started doing meth when i was about 9 and left me nd my little sister with my father, and he raised us as a single father, and she waited about 6 months to let people know what was going on with her, and why she was acting so distant, and when we found out we could hardly believe it. My Mom was always a sweet heart and always had love from anybody who met her, but the person she was turning into was mean and bitter. She went through a lot in her past, but thats still not an excuse for leaving me and my sister alone with a man who barely knew what he was doing. everything turned out fine though, my dad got custody and my mom got off of meth, but now she started it again. And i dont know what to expect this time. Shes older now and i dont know how withdraws work but i know they must get 10x harder for older people. She cant cope with whats going on around her, and i feel half to blame because i wasnt there for her. I really could have been a better daughter, i didnt have to put her in half the bullshit i put her through, from the running away, to the smoking weed… to drinking and more running away. I just feel like i make things harder for everybody… Sometimes i feel like the world would be a better place without me in it. 

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