And so it begins

I have dark negative days and this i hope wil help me get it out. I am currently seeing a psychologist and dealing with my depression but the recovery proces is very slow.

Things happen on a regular base and everyone has ups and downs. I try in general to be as positive as I can be, but it is still a struggle everyday.

My life started okay I will say. Early on I was a lonely child. Until my teenage years, hormones makes things so much difficult.

Everything changed for the worse when my mom got diagnosed with cancer and lead to her death when i was just 17. I had to deal with a new change in my life, a new kind of missing someone. Like a piece from you is missing.

My mom was my everything in a way. We grew a lot closer when she got sick. But i still was in my hiding place back than, closed doors to go out. I just played mmorpg and be in another world that did not exist. Talk to online people that I personally did not know.

Sometimes I think, do I regret all the times i did not spend with my mom, because I was running away from my emotions? Wel, not really. To me it was a get away from reality, I didn’t want to get to close so I wont be so hurt when she’s gone. I know right? That is practically what I’ve been doing my whole life. If someone hurt me, I back off or just I didn’t wanna get to close.

I’ve had a lot of crying nights missing her. No one could ever replace her, but I’ve been moving on slowly but surely. I have accomplished so many things sinds her passing and I wish she was there because she was most definitely my number one person who supported me no matter what. Is tough living without someone that supports you all the way.

Feel free to share your story. All it comes to is, that you are never alone. Even if it feels so.


2 thoughts on “And so it begins”

  1. Although you’ve been through hard times you had the strength to go on. I just wanted to say well done and keep holding on. Thanks for sharing.

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