In a stressful situation, I sometimes use pain to keep my cool. I don’t know if that’s a problem or not. I’ll dig my nails into my skin or bite my knuckles. Nothing that bleeds. Sometimes little bruises.
I enjoy pain in more fun contexts as well. It’s not really a negative sensation to me. Sometimes, in a sexual context, I’ll want to feel that I’m being punished for some mistake of mine. I’ll want to ask her to call me names or tell me I’m stupid or worthless and give me pain while she does it. That’s too much for her. She doesn’t want to do that to me, so I don’t ask for that much. I didn’t really think it was unhealthy until she expressed discomfort with it. I wonder if it is bad then. If I’m just asking her to assist in a form of self harm. It’s strange to me though, because it helps me. In a stressful situation, it makes me feel calmer. In a sexual situation, it can be euphoric. How can something that feels so good be a problem?