The weather is always cold. Or at least, the air is anyways. The sun is always warm, but it’s funny because everyone wears warm clothes outside and they get warm from the sun but when we get inside it gets hot. They must have the heaters on, but it doesn’t make the inside feel warm, just normal room temperature. But I guess since we all came from the cold outside, the inside feels alot hotter than it actually is.
I’m using alot of we’s, I just realized. I think it’s because I was social today. I talked alot, to alot of people. I had so many conversations. I even did small talk. I’ve always been good at small talk though. But when it comes to meaningful and clear answers or talking about myself I get all jumpy and unclear with my words. Like I talked to my academic advisor today. Even though we had a bit of trouble scheduling an appointment, she was still friendly to me, and I was friendly to her. We sorted out a bunch of stuff about the classes I need to take, but I noticed a bunch of little neat things she has in her office. She has these magnets attached to her file cabinet, and they all look like dog’s behinds, so it looks like they’re all half stuck in the filing cabinet. She told me about her daughter, and how she’s learning something in the liberal arts, and that it’s been a trend in her family. She also has a birdfeeder suction cupped to her window. I even saw a cardinal come by while we were talking. I asked if she gets lots of visitors. She said yes, and she’s thinking of putting up a mirror so she can see them stop by while her back is to the window when she’s working on her computer. I thought it was a clever idea.
Then in my other class that day, I saw her again. Today, two other guys who are usually at our table were there, in addition to the guy who I’m sort of acquainted with who always come to all his classes. So it was five of us at our table today. It was nice. Me and the one I am acquainted with usually do the problems at the board, one of the two guys always makes the best drawings of the problems, but the other guy and her always sort of hide behind us so our professor thinks they are being active in this flipped classroom they signed up for, but they don’t do much. But they seem to learn alot from just watching us come up with solutions. When they look down I imagine they are channeling their inner sponge to learn better. Honestly, I kind of like it that I’m doing things and they aren’t. It makes me feel like I’m some kind of knowledgeable shield to stand behind when the professor shoots his gaze at us. Even though the one I am acquainted with is much more diligent and even more knowledgeable than me. But yeah, the five of us in our corner of the classroom have gotten close. We shared some jokes and laughter. I related to one of the two other guys since we’re in the same Calc class, and I shared some laughs with the other one. The one I am acquainted with is always thinking Physics though, so he’s always focused on the problems. He’s still friendly and chatty though. And her. I shocked her a little when I told her I got offered an internship by a friend. I feel like I acted sort of spoiled, since I wasn’t making a big deal out of it. I hope it didn’t make her feel bad or even jealous. At the end of class we all sort of went our separate ways again, without saying goodbye.
Still, I liked the conversation. It makes me feel better about myself if I can give some comfort to other people just by talking. I hope I make them comfortable anyways. Especially her. I also have hope for her. I remembered that we’re in the same major, so I might see her in alot of my later classes. So there’s still a chance. That makes me excited. And scared. But more excited, at least for today. But I also like it right now. We all had something to share today. I want to keep sharing things with her. That made me happy today.
Until next time. Take care of yourself.