Tired of the teeter totter….

Today like many other days in my life I had to make a decision.   Faith is a fickle thing, to have faith in another human being is my greatest downfall.  How after all these years can I believe that one individual would care so much yet be so far from me?   I have found that water is my safe place, and before you think I have gotten off topic please stick with me for a moment.  Water provides a weightlessness while consuming your entire body.  The feeling of not falling yet also not having to be strong.  My troubles float away with the waves that rush against my skin.  Well, ideally this is how the person I am going to hide my heart away in for protection will make me feel.  I know, I know it seems a bit much, comparing a person to water.  However, in my life I have made so many sacrifices and settled and I have reached a breaking point ….. NO MORE SETTLING.  I deserve complete happiness, my battles have been great, as such should my reward.  I struggle with patience.  I struggle with seeing the big picture.  Those are some of my major fallbacks but, I am a good decent human being and deserve just as much as the next person.  I know today seems a bit rambled and I am sorry but my heart is confused and arguing with my brain.  

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