I like where I am right now.
I have a sense of solitude, I’m stuck in a void.
I’ve had exams for the past week and they end next Wednesday. Every morning I wake up only to go to school for 2 hours and then come back home. Sure exams are stressful but I haven’t been to classes since last Wednesday, and do you know what that means? It means no K (the nickname I have dubbed for the guy in my last post for privacy reasons). No awkward eye contact, no ‘accidently’ brushing up against each other and no opportunities for him to try and get my attention or me to try and get his.
Of course with all of this positivity comes the negatives. I miss him. I want to see him, I want to hear about how his hair looked at lunch or how he was laughing when he made a really stupid joke or how he was playing basketball so passionately that he almost hit a small child, trying to get to the canteen, in the head with the ball. It is that urge to know that always gets me. He pops up everywhere and I mean everywhere, even on social media sites where I have him blocked, “K commented on so and so’s video” or “K shared this with so and so”. It’s so hard to avoid him, it’s like it can’t be done. Heck, I’m sitting here right now thinking about him, talking about him, discussing things that he isn’t even aware of. I don’t want to think about him, I hate not being distracted from
I don’t want to think about him, I hate not being distracted as my mind wonders off and somehow always ends up on him. It’s inevitable but I am slowly accepting it. Just like i am slowly accepting how he isn’t the person i thought he was and how he does not like me.
I’ve never been so emotionally vulnerable to someone who has no clue that its all because of them. I’m sure if he realised of knew he still wouldn’t address it anyway. I should get back to studying.