Public Secrets

This is my first entry so here goes.  This will be filled with grammatical errors, don’t worry about it.  At the time I’m writing this I am 17 years old still a virgin by choice because I’m not sure if I am even interested in the opposite, let alone the same sex. No one will read this so all my dark secrets will come here, like the fact that I dated a girl for 2 months then lied about a serious medical condition just to not see her, or the fact that I’ve actually attempted suicide and none of the people i live with know about it.  I don’t try because the thought that if I tried and Failed it would be to much to bare.  I lie to everyone I meet because i don’t like the real me how can i expect others to. I once told a girl i was in love with her just because she thought i was and i didn’t want to disappoint her i am a black 6’1 teenage boy who still cries on a regular basis.  My entire family is homophobic and i don’t think they would accept the fact that i don’t like boys or girls and i resent them for it.  I have gotten so good at faking a smile i was voted best smile my senior year even though this is the most depressing year of my life.

I am lost and I don’t know what to do

signing off 

One thought on “Public Secrets”

  1. Please don’t consider suicide. It’s too risky. You might end up disabled or brain-dead but still alive. Plus, God has a plan for your life. It touched my heart that you cry on a regular basis. You must be very tenderhearted. You care how other people feel, too. That is a wonderful quality. You sound like a very special young man. May God bless you very much. He loves you, you know. Talk to Jesus when you are lonely. He is there for you and loves you exactly as you are. I promise.

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