I layed in this bed all day just staring at the ceiling, listening to everyone move on with their lives. When someone would walk in to check on me, I’d close my eyes and pretend to be asleep. My mother hid my medications.. she doesn’t trust me when I get like this.
Now they’re gone. The house is empty, quiet, and lonely. I’m finally by myself, which is what I thought I wanted. I even heartlessly dissed my boyfriend this morning because I couldn’t “deal” with today (If you read this, I’m sorry. I love you and I just didn’t want to say something wrong.. Even though ignoring you probably wasn’t any better). I told him I just wanted to be alone. I was wrong.
I was horribly wrong, because my biggest fear IS being alone. The silence just screams the truth. Those doubting voices we ignore during the day just get louder. The shadows just come out more, even in daylight.
I’m finally truly alone, and I can’t take it anymore.