“Damned if I do…”

I have been super bored lately. Someone once told me that college would be the best years of your life, but it is actually the opposite for me. In high school I had a little more freedom to do what I wanted and I was actually active. Now everyones gone and I’m still home attending a community college to save money before I run off to a university. I have a few more months left, but thanks to “guidance” I now have to take one more class in the summer before I move to Orlando. I’m so ready to leave, but I’m also scared to leave. I want to go because at least then I will finally have some say on what I want to do with my time. On the other hand, nobody has been prepping for when I leave. They sometimes tell me that they understand they put a lot on me with the kids and just home in general, but I don’t think people can truly understand what one goes through unless they walk in that persons shoes. I’ve been trying to talk to them all individual about it, but they don’t listen. Nobody ever listens until its to late and I’m tempted to tell them I told you so. I need to focus on me. I need to take back more of my time and force my parents and my brother to step up and help me with the kids. I love them but they’re not my responsibility. I’ve been playing adult since I was 11, I’m sick of it.  I’m seriously unhappy. The only thing I can do is take time out for myself, but seeing my family struggle doesn’t necessarily make me any happier either. I’m damned if I do, I’m damned if I don’t. 

I can’t wait to leave. 

Goodnight Journal. 

3 thoughts on ““Damned if I do…””

  1. It’s a hard time, I am sorry. You have to do what’s right for you.. and don’t ever feel guilty for doing so..

  2. It is time for your siblings to help with the younger kids. You are in COLLEGE for crying out loud! Talk to your folks about it. I hope Orlando will be wonderful when you get there~! May all your dreams come true! And keep dreaming! Don’t be afraid to go because Jesus is in Orlando, too, and He loves you and watches over you.

  3. Thank you two for being supportive.
    It’s very appreciated.

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