Who is ‘Dana Seavers’? For those who haven’t got a chance to watch the episode three from the season eleven of “Criminal Minds”, this entry is a spoiler. You may stop reading from here if you wish to watch it yourself. (If you’re still curious, read along.)

Dana Seavers (played by Ashley Fink) is the villain, an ‘unsub’ (unidentified subject) with dangerous psychosis. She’s a florist at her late mother’s bridal shop in Savannah, Georgia. Her mother had passed down the business to her much slimmer and (considered) prettier sister Nicole. Their best friend since childhood, handsome blond photographer Ryan Becker, also works there.

Ryan has always been Dana’s one and only true love. They dated one summer back in junior high before he started turning to Nicole. (Danger.) However, in Dana’s twisted mind (she’s been suffering quite a severe depression and has to take medications, although lately she’s refusing to do so), Ryan remains a true love to her – and keeps telling her that he only loves her and that other ‘skinny bitches’ keep trying to steal him away from her.

Of course, you know what happens next. Dana starts her killing spree – specifically targeting young, slim, beautiful brides-to-be – all because the ‘Imaginary Ryan’ keeps telling her to do that so they can be together forever.

Then it starts getting worse when the real Ryan ends up proposing Nicole right in front of Dana. Heartbroken and angry, refusing to give up on her fantasy, she tries to kill her own sister too. Of course, the FBI profilers get there on time to arrest her.

Murder out of rage and jealousy like that is never justified. Still, to some people, women like ‘Dana Seavers’ (perhaps they too exist in real life, unfortunately) may be a depressing reminder of how they used to be/perhaps still are. Sad, lonely, and insecure – almost close to suicidal. Perhaps they also have been bullied since they were kids, subjected to cruel and unfair comparison. (“Why are you so fat? Your sister isn’t.” “Your sister is definitely prettier than you.” “How come you’re so different from her?” “Why don’t you lose some weight? Don’t you want to have a boyfriend?”)

In their minds, perhaps they think guys like Ryan Becker are the only who notice them, who really treat them kindly like a decent human being and never mention – nor even make fun of – their weight. Before they know it, they get too emotionally-attached. It is understandable, knowing just how bloody judgmental this patriarchal society towards women’s appearance and bodies.

If the guy loves them back, then it’s a beautiful thing. If not? Well, anything goes. Some may end up like Dana. Some may still be positive enough to keep their faith in love.

Others may turn dangerously cold, bitter, distant, indifferent, and…skeptical. They begin to fear that love is only nothing but a mean joke to them. L.O.V.E. stands for Long, Overrated and Vicious Emotions. It’s getting even harder for them to open their hearts again and let someone in, choked by fear of making the same mistakes again. You know what people say when a guy comes along and the girl misreads his true intentions:

“Come on, he’s just being nice. It doesn’t mean a thing.”

“What makes you think that a guy like him will notice a girl like you?”

“He might be up to no good. Be careful!”

And when bad things do happen, you know who gets the blame first:

“You should’ve been more careful.”

“Didn’t you see that coming? Why not? Where was your head?”

“Stupid girl!”

“You’re too confident. That’s your problem.”

It gets even worse when one of the guys who seems mighty interested asks in confusion and frustration:

“What are you so worried about?”

“Why are you being so paranoid?”

“I don’t understand you. You think I want to hurt you?”

Of course, it’s very difficult for these girls to just come out and say: “I’m sorry. I have trust issues. I don’t expect you to understand, especially if you keep pushing me to do what I don’t want!”

Will they get better? It depends.

Of course, you can’t expect the whole world to understand you, how you feel, and what you’re going through. It’s impossible and (considered) selfish. All you can do is try your best to survive while reaching out to those who are willing to support you.

Hurting or even killing others won’t make the sadness go away. If you see at least a bit of yourself in ‘Dana Seavers’, you might want to get some help. It’s understandable to have expectations, just like it’s okay to make mistakes like misreading someone’s true intentions. You’re only human. Nobody’s perfect. If you misread any signs or get confused or feel tricked, that doesn’t mean you’re stupid, gullible, naive, or too hopeful. That can happen to anybody.

Hopefully, the voices of the people who really love you are much louder than bullies who try to put you down. You matter. You’re loved.

May the dark thoughts and feelings never return…



(Jakarta, 31/3/2016 – 7:50 am)


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