I don’t know what I’ve gotten myself into. I don’t even know who he is. I stumbled on emails, emails I never wanted to see or wish never existed. They literally crushed my soul. Who is he? Multiple website emailing. I wish he would just let me end things. I consider outing him so people know the kind of guy he is. I knew by the way he was hiding his email and didn’t want me to hold his phone something was up. Nobody wants to think something up and then investigate and find emails from affairalert, lonelywifehookup, & milfaholic in their boyfriends phone. I can’t even look at him the same. When he touches me, I wait for the second he lets go. Sex is nothing but physical and no meaning behind it anymore. I’m stuck in a relationship I can’t end and that disgusts me. I want to tell someone but I’m so embarrassed. What would they say? Probably laugh. I had his child and he couldn’t even wait to have sex with me, he turns to porn and gets off. Everyone tells me to try and make things work with him because he’s the father of my son but I know that if I were to tell them everything they’d laugh in my face for not leaving him. I really wish I could. I’ve never felt sexier in my life, stretch marks, loose skin and all. I think I look better than I did before pregnant when Hayes is 9 months – I guarantee I look even better. Maybe one day, I’ll find someone who appreciates and wants exactly what I have to offer. Until then, things will have to stay the same. I’ll put my feelings aside and just try to make the best of my situation.

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