Can’t turn my mind off today.

I feel like crap . .girl stuff. Ugh..hate it. But it’s better than the alternative !!!!  Haven’t eaten today..probably not going to. Just not in the mood to deal with it. Meh.. I don’t know. 

I looked through my tote today..finally was brought in from the storage. So happy, so sad. It was an emotional roller coaster. Crying one minure, laughing the next. So many wrong decisions..I hope I can make a right one here shortly. All those friends, now just memories. And my memory sucks so bad I don’t even get those. 

I was saddest of all seeing the pictures. My best friends.. I should have tried harder. I don’t know if I can be forgiven for my indifference. I was only thinking about making it easier on myself and thought I made the right choice back then. I was so wrong…now I’m stuck. 

My 1st hubby Rich..dayum. hoozah you were smoking…lol I don’t regret our breakup…you were destined for a different  path and I’m sure you’re so happy now. I’m at peace with that decision  at least. But yeah those pics I have of you made tingles. Lol

How can I get myself to get the faq out of here????????  I have to decide I’m worth it..ehy can’t I do that???? I was reading that not doing something is because you fear it…but I’m so miserable in my situation…shouldn’t that be enough motivation to gtfo??? I mean seriously I dread even waking up!!!  I don’t want to speak to, look at, hear,breathe the same air as him. Why won’t I take care if myself and just do it!?!?!?!?!?!?

I’m so mad at myself..grrrrrrrrr. 

Oh yeah..John. yum.. love those old pics. I could eat you up, those eyes!! The songs you dung to me under the bridge…those lips and hands…ohhhh, but good as we were together. I think your temper may have gotten the best of you and been the worst for me. I wonder if you’re still so sexy?? Damn hot micmac..I miss those days. For sure..mmm hmmm

So I need to not only  stay focused on the good I’m doing physically, I need to try to get myself working in improving my chances to succeed on my own. I need to get my procrastinating ass on the computer and learn that stuff so I can make some real money and get the hell out of dodge!!!!!

Bee asked me if I wanted to move to Washington. With her..yeah maybe. Not Tyler or Bees cats. It won’t work, she doesn’t take care of them. Plus I’ll have Kota so he’ll torment them. Could live near her maybe, but Washington?? Why??  Not sure what  the draw is there for her, but I don’t think I’ll like it myself. Gets cold there. I hate the cold.

Maybe I should eat today???.. not sure. Still not feeling motivated to do anything about it. If a lettuce wrapped beach club magically appeared before me, I’d put it out of its misery  for sure, but to actually make something myself??? Not into it today … it’s just food. It will be there tomorrow. Only part I’m concerned with is my sugar level being too low..almost passed out earlier…lol. ooops. I should take my vitamins too.. have to eat though. Bleeeh…

Well see.. l8tr. 


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