I’m starting to wonder, while I’m sitting around moping about him, does he even care? There were many times he’d walk away from me because he didn’t know how to cheer me up. My friends have had to go yell at him and get him to talk to me bc I wouldn’t talk to them, and he walked away from me. We’ve been through so much bs that I’m actually wondering if he cares about what’s happening. I know he’s going through alot, but why should I sit around crying and waiting for him to come back if he might not even care? I have major trust issues. I’ve been disappointed too many times to count. I’m not sure what to think. He wasn’t a /perfect/ boyfriend, but he sure knew how to make me smile. I don’t think there is a such thing as perfect, but we did have a lot of issues. Thing are so complicated right now. Are we still together? Does him being locked up change our relationship?? What do I do? Write him a letter and break up with him? I don’t know. I’m confused. I constantly have dreams about him every single night. I miss him, but I feel numb. It’s like I wanna talk about it, but I can’t find the right words to say. Everything is jumbled up in my head and I can’t seem to let it out. On another note, it rained today. Or should I say yesterday, since it’s past midnight. I never usually liked rain. I hated getting my hair wet and worrying about ruining my makeup. But today, I didn’t have a single care. I felt like walking out and just sitting in the rain. I was numb. I wanted to feel something. I hate feeling like this, but sometimes, it’s better to feel numb than to feel hurt. My questions are- do I really miss him? Does he care? And what the hell am I supposed to do now? Right now I feel like the only person I can talk to about this is him. But I CANT.. I want him to come back already. We desperately need to talk. My head is spinning, and I don’t know how much longer I can handle this.

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