Day 2: Another day

Last night I accessed the Dark Web for the first (and last) time. I won’t get into the boring details , but basically there are certain parts of the Internet you can only access through special programs. These sites are often used to traffic drugs, weapons, information, and other unsavory things in complete anonymity. I just waned to see if the rumors were true, and after struggling to track down a working page, decided that my curiosity had been fulfilled and that this was not my cup of tea.

When I awoke in the morning, I got daughterready for school and sent on off on the bus. Then got myself ready. I headed over to my daughters pretty school and spent the better part of half the day there volunteering in the kitchen.

Part of me does enjoy the work there. It makes feel like I actually am helping, and the staff always tell me what a godsend I am…

But mostly I dread going there. I spend about 15 hours a week volunteering and it’s really affecting my home life. I can’t get any housework done or take any personal time for myself. And they just kept asking for more and more help! I feel so burnt-out but I’m afraid to tell them no. It’s I’m scared to disappoint them or something.

When Igot home I received the news that I would not be accepted into the nursing class I applied for. This was a big let down as I had thought it was a sure thing, and had been bragging to people even about it. It felt good to know I was going to finally start a professional career and get out of the food industry. But now I’m back to square one and feel so insignificant.  

I picked up my paycheck from my job and it was less than half of what my fiance made. Ever since she started making more than me I have felt jealous of her and unsure about where I fit in the family. I used to be thebread-winner but now I’m more of the house cleaner and child raiser. As man this goes against everything I was taught of what was expected of me and it makes me feel like less of a person.

At least I have a corrections officer exam tommorow… maybe I’ll get luck and I will do well enough to get accepted into the academy. … only time will tell.


2 thoughts on “Day 2: Another day”

  1. Don’t try to overwork yourself. If they already claim that you’re a good person for working so hard, I’m sure they’ll understand if you just tell them that although you’d like to help, what they’re asking is a little too much for now.

    Also, being a man and being the one cleaning the house and raising the child is in no way a bad thing! Being a man doesn’t mean you have to go and be the one who works for the family. I’m not saying don’t work, I’m just saying that it shouldn’t matter who makes more money in the family.

    I hope things get better for you 🙂

  2. My husband used to be a stay-at-home dad and he got a lot of compliments and respect from random strangers, about how well he managed to handle the household and our daughter. Though he did nothing different than a woman would do, being a man somehow made him special and admired by many. We both found it funny and it gave us some good laughs, but it was still good to see how socially well accepted the whole stay-at-home dad concept has become.

    I don’t know where you live, maybe the culture is different there – but if, I hope it does change sooner rather than later. Taking care of your family is a valuable task and nothing to be ashamed of.

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