Who Would Miss You If You Were Gone; You’re Important

you’re sitting here wondering, would anyone miss me if I were gone? well consider me everyone because I’d miss you like there were no tomorrow. you’re my heart. my hope. my soul. my love. my life. you’re my happiness and my excitement. you’re my cup of coffee in the morning. and tea at the end of the day. if you kill yourself tonight everyone will blame it on themselves.  how about your teachers? what are they gonna do without your offering and helping hand and that friendly smile you gave them every day. when you are willing to raise your hand bc nobody knows the answer.

sure sometimes they get a little less happy when you do something wrong but it doesn’t make them care any less. how about the rest of your class? what are they gonna do staring at your empty seat every single day. wishing they had done something. even as simple as saying hello. they didn’t think you needed it because you’re maybe the popular kid to them. so they kept quiet. or the girl who asked to borrow your pencil and now she holds onto it wishing she would’ve thanked you more. talked more. asked how you were and realized you weren’t okay when you silently gave it up. how about your family. 

your parents will sit in your room, holding onto your favorite sweatshirt you wore the other day and left out like your mom had asked you not to. but now she wished she had done anything but asked you too but it away. she gripped it so hard till sweat stains from her palms were imprinted on it. or your dad sitting there crying wishing he has spent more time with you. you’ve never seen your dad cry but he lets them fall, just wishing he said yes that one time you asked him to go bike riding. or your best friend. what’s he or she gonna think.

 maybe that it’s their fault because they’re suppose to be your go to person. how they didn’t ask you how you were and made sure you were actually okay. they would cry every single night. and the second they find out it’s like losing their entire heart. you were their weekend hang out. their best friend. their everything. you were their comfort when needed and their laugh when you just wanted to have fun. they were your shoulder to cry on. but they feel like they aren’t enough.  and now how about that one kid who was dying to be your friend but was way too scared to say hello. 

they hoped every day they could be your friend and maybe you would say hello but now they wish they had. or that one kid who saw you crying in the hall broken down but didn’t ask if you were okay because he assumed you were. he knew you had friends who would possibly ask. And most of all, what about your girlfriend. the one who has loved you like she couldn’t love herself even though you saw the most in her out of everyone. how is she gonna wake up in the morning knowing you aren’t there to get her through another one of those days she always has. she doesn’t even have a reason to wake up anymore. to want to wake up. she has nobody to dress for. or ask what she should wear.

 you were her first thought every morning and night. every second of the day. she rushed down the halls just to see your smiling face and hoping to make your day better… and now what? now you get to leave her? you said you couldn’t go an hour without being with her and now you wanna go a life time? you’ll never see her again. and all she’s ever wanted to do was be there for you. she is gonna blame herself for not being good enough. she’s gonna cry. scream as loud as she can into her pillow. she’s gonna lose herself. cry till she throws up from her body shaking so hard and possibly even pass out.. she’s not gonna wanna be alive because she doesn’t wanna even see a day without you.

No, I lie. she doesn’t wanna see a second without you let alone a day. she loved you with her entire heart. more than that. she wouldn’t eat for days. she would struggle to breathe. have the curtains drawn closed and wearing the sweatshirt you gave her. she would pull your hoodie up like you use to on her. she would always get mad at you for a few minutes or so because she didn’t want her hair ruined; but now all she wants is you too mess up her hair. to run your gentle hands through her hair. to gently rub her back like you always did. you always had the softest and most comforting touch. she tried to imagine herself in your arms while you cuddle her from behind or her lying her head on your chest listening to your heart beat, and now she has to live with the fact she will never hear it again. 

when she would lay in bed at night and cuddle into the huge sweatshirt you gave her to try and comfort her tiny frame. it’s the very thing that got her through those endless feeling nights of hurt where she lost herself. it’s what helped her sleep. it’s what helped her get up in the morning. it’s what got her to fight. she wouldn’t even be her anymore. and out of everyone on this earth, she would lose herself more than anything or anyone. because you were more than her world. you were her universe. and if you left, her world is gone. she’s gone. you promised you’d never leave her alone, so don’t go bailing on her now… so if you are considering killing yourself, consider this. because the people around you care so much about you and you don’t even know it. and I know it’s hard. but know you’re loved. and never leave this world. because to the world you may be one person. but to one person you may just be the world.

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