Hello Journal 🙂
This is my place to get down all of my thoughts and feelings when I need to, saying that I hope it will also help my Master when I cannot put into words with him what I am thinking or feeling – I know he’s not a mind reader but sometimes words are difficult for me.
This is my first proper entry to my Journal – and to any journal actually now I think about it. A lot has happened over this last week I recently met my Boyfriend/Master/Daddy and skyped with him for the first time even though I was scared he helped me through that.
I learned that while I desire to be a kitten I naturally enter my little state of mind more often then the kitten.
My list of rules from my Master so far are :-
-Always enter Kneel pose when he enter the rooms (or when inviting on Skype)
-Ask permission before doing anything – I probably broke that rule with the journal
-While Master is very caring that does not mean I can be a bitch or get my own way all of the time
– a set number of sit up and push ups are to be done upon waking every morning at the minute this is ten of each as Master has promised to help work on my fitness
My Daddy/Boyfriend/Master has asked me how I feel about him and why this is very hard for me to describe but when I hear his voice it gives me tingles and/or shivers in a good way 🙂 I think I love him but I haven’t been in love before I don’t want to anger my Daddy by lying to him so I say I care for him I say things are good when he asks how it feels to be owned by him but when he asks me to go deeper to describe it better? I freeze my brain goes blank and its as if words no longer have any meaning.
How can you put into words that you hope your not annoying someone without sounding whiney or as if you just want attention?
How do you say you like to see them smile because you have done good but though you don’t want punishment for fucking something up you feel compelled to tell them the truth even if you know it means pain or no pleasure?
How when you brain freezes like that in the moment do you explain that hearing or seeing them makes you happy, doesn’t have to be to do anything just know that you are both together even when apart its the best feeling I can think of when I think of him but when I get to see and/or hear him as well I get so happy but so nervous that I will fuck up all at once that I tend to slip into my little state of mind even if before that I was quite happily doing my kitten thing with my bell ball .
My exercise routine with the planned exercise set out by him started this morning as soon as I woke up – I had my instructions last night – I went for a walk and I even found an app where I can track what I eat how much I drink how many steps I take the stress levels and the pulse I think I can send the results from the app to him each day as well 🙂
I don’t know he will ever read this or any of my other posts but my feelings for him are strong, strong enough that disappointing him just the thought of doing that makes me upset I want to make him happy and be the best that I can be for him. I am too afraid to say this to him in case he thinks it is all just words said to please him when they are not meant.
Goodbye for now Journal I will keep you up to date with how things progress.
I like this picture 🙂