So I’ve been laying in bed since 930. I doze for a minute then am wide awake. Thoughts racing. Racing so fast and all over the place. Why can’t I just sleep? Maybe it’s the fear of sleeping paralysis. It’s been happening more often. I think I can make it happen but it’s really scary.
I’m still in my bed laying on my back and everything seems the same as if I were awake but there is a dark presence there and then the weight begins. I hear voices speaking to me but I cannot respond.
My limbs continue to grow heavier and heavier. My breathing is very shallow. I try to scream out but nothing comes out.
The weight on my chest grows and grows. Move a finger. Focus on a toe. Roll over scream…it’s no use. It’s getting closer and darker sinking me deeper into my bed.
Then sit up very quickly. Breathing heavily, trembling, sobbing. Trying to choke out the words as to what just happened but no one answers no one is there. I’m still dreaming.
Then I realize I’m dreaming and wake up. And I believe that is why I keep myself awake.
Just when my anxiety had calmed down and I could sleep without self medicating this happens. When will I ever be normal? When will I ever be happy?