The day I’ve come to realize…

… The ones I still kept close to my heart (ONLY talking about the people in my life at this current moment) are actually the ones hurting me the most. It’s emotionally draining me beyond my brain and body’s capacity. My body is physically hurting. But it’s their words slash stories that are hurting me the most. They aren’t only lies, or stories stretched quite a ways, or worded to seem completely different than the truth, but the lies they are allowing to slip, jump, and dive out their mouth into the listener’s ears can ruin my life! Like my happiness that I’ve finally found again, it’ll ruin my new relationships and old ones if those listening decide to believe the devils (plural) disgusting, vile poison. I wish I could wrap my head around as to WHY they are doing this?! Two of the closest people to me and should be, are OFFICIALLY burned from my brain and I no longer have any emotional attachments to them. Bet they didn’t think about the position they are putting me in… out of the already hundreds of positions they have put me in and am still currently in. But guess what?? Those lines are crossed and now walls are drawn. Can’t wait til you guys feel the positions YOU have now put yourself in. I was hurt, badly, now this little girl, that you so badly want to have in your lives, are going to hurt her 92836352728837x more than I was, you won’t be in HER life. She’s still growing so it’s going to affect her immensely. Bet you didn’t think about that now  huh?? There is no more I can do, ball’s in your court. From experience, that ball won’t go anywhere, maybe get lost or turned to dust. I promise to not reach out to help you when you really need it, no more reaching out to try and get you to see this intelligent, beautiful baby girl, I won’t send any photos or any new mile stones she’s achieved. If you call me I will not answer. You have the numbers to who you can reach to ask whatever it is you’re so really ‘wanting’ to know. The only promise I will continue to keep is that I will not talk badly about you to her or in her presence. She’ll form her own opinion about one of you and I’m’ll be spot on or worse than what mine is, and for the others, she won’t even know you exist, that I know hurts badly enough. I hope my new friends can keep continuing to see through their bullshit, but I know when it just keeps coming non-stop, almost daily eventually you’ll start listening and maybe believing. I can’t blame you. I don’t want to lose the last truly real people I got but nothing lasts forever and friendships never last forever. I’ve lost way too many, way more than the average person so I’m used to it and know that LIFE ROLLS ON. I can be a loner.for the next 6 months or so if I have too. Once I get all my shot straight and back to my old life, I’ll be back with my best and close friends I had in my life before I let the devil’s purse ruin my life and.take everything I worked so hard to achieve. I have a best friend that got his act straight and back to his life, didn’t take forever and.that’s who I’m gonna be looking up too. So proud of that MAN! 🙂 So if I have to go back to being invisible so be it. Although these new friends are who I’ve been needing to be around to better myself. My current favorite quote, if you could call it that, goes as is… ‘Look around you and think about the 6 closest friends to you currently. How they are will determine how your life will end up. If you’re surrounding 6 friends are bums, you will end up a bum. If.your surrounding 6 friends are millionaires, guess what? YOU WILL become a MILLIONAIRE!’ And.that is true, they did a study on it. So I’m going to put an ad up on every website for no less than 10 millionaire friends so I can get out of this black hole and be able to do whatever I dream to be as well as giving my gorgeous daughter the life she deserves and allow my parents to retire, they deserve that much, I owe them my entire life of me just doing good and helping them any way I can cause they have helped me out more than the average parents help out their child, probably more than a person can.even help another.human being. I love you dad and mom so much! I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through and vow to stay focused from here on out to get back over to you guys so we can be a family again. 🙂 It won’t be perfect but it will take time and all family’s have their issues so I’m not expecting our relationship to be mended quickly or completely. But hey, I’ll make best of everything however it comes.


I am officially done with my phone until tomorrow. Don’t care who texts me, this is waaay too much typing for a phone!! NOTE: When you get a job, the first paycheck is buying EYEGLASSES and slash or a iPad! Oh and can’t forget to say SO LONG HATERS! Sucks seeing that’s how you ended up being in my life, as HATERS slash SHIT TALKERS. Could have stayed the family we were, all the memories we had throughout these years and decade. No loss to me, deep down I hope you feel that pain the day you realize what you guys were actually doing to me. Tata for now!!! Mommy loves you baby girl! I’ll see you next Sundaaay!! Muah xoxoxox.  

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