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First Boyfriend (My Mom Doesn’t know)

I’m not one to call myself pretty or skinny. I’d say I’m about average and I think I chose the  best, weirdest and somewhat boyish charmed guy as my first.  We’ve been dating for about six n half weeks and it’s been bit rocky at times but I’ve never been happier. He’s really into video games and politics, it sometimes surprises me how  knowledgeable he really is. His father (Jerry) seems to be a hard core conservative better not tell him I’m a next generation liberal, but oh boy can he get angry, especially at his wife (Beth). She’s definitely misplaced matchup for him but thats another journal topic. It seemed like a good idea to finally get a boyfriend during my senior year even if he wasn’t the guy I had a crush on, but now I think I’ve fallen for him. Last weekend we went on a date and it was going great until I got jealous of my  girlfriend, conversation just flows easily between then unlike us probably because I’m always nervous around him cause of my bdd (body dysmorphic disorder). I know he wouldn’t care , because we both accept each other, him with his secret sexual orientation/interest and my true identity, (but it kinda gets hard sometimes). He can be really inappropriate at times, especially at school (he gave me a lap dance once at school and wouldn’t stop).

 Am I being to anal? During our trio date with him and my girlfriend , I felt like the third wheel but then we started to make out then I felt the feeling of reassurance washing over ( what does this mean?). Anyways back to the date, my girlfriend suggest we get high and if you know me I’m way against anything drug-related. I’m felt so stupid when I made the decision to drive them to get weed and when he got back in the car after his illegal activities, I could tell he wasn’t himself . I know I shouldn’t have drove there and should of stop him. I mean I didn’t do any drugs so why did I let them ? Its been hard coming back to school with a slightly tainted relationship but he just so sweet constantly giving compliments even before we started dating , catching him staring at me with eyes of longing or trying to hold my hand and buying me gifts.  I feel like the guy cause I’m not used to so much attention and love and then I’m almost become two-faced the   feeling  of  paranoia and  constantly wanting him to msg and getting anxious when he doesn’t . Whats wrong with me ?

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