I feel like a lost girl, running from what could possibly hurt me, but also running towards what did hurt me. My reality is fogged over by a heart that is desiring love.
Normally I could look in the mirror and know what decision to make, know the “right” answer, however I question if there even is an answer for what I want. Love makes your mind think crazy things, makes your entire intelligence be skewed by the ignorance of the heart and the mind not being on the same page. I believe in forgiveness, sometimes that bites me in the ass more then it should, but I truly believe people can change, and people are inherently good. So he cheated. Yes, he broke all aspects of our relationship with one action of his mind and heart being on different paths, but he can change. He says “I love you”, but those words used to be said daily, even when his actions proved otherwise. So I ask, what is the right path? Is love enough to erase mistakes and pain? Will my wounds keep opening as I trust and question his love?
I’m currently lost at which pain I want to live with. The pain of giving up on someones “love” for me, to avoid possibly being hurt again, or the pain of giving someone my all and trusting that their love is genuine… But what if it happens again? Fool me once, shame on you, but fool me twice, well that is shame on me now. I want to forgive, I want to love and be loved by him, but I can’t withstand another betrayal.