I tried to write an entry last night. It disappeared into a black whole. Frustrated, I gave up for the night. Oh well.
I made it through the hectic weekend work schedule. I made it to work on time on Sunday, bleary eyed and shaking from 3 cups of coffee and a Monster. Either I looked worse than I felt or we were well staffed, but big boss sent me home early. I was in that weird state of mind where I was too exhausted to actually sleep. So I curled up on the couch with my lovin’ man and we binge watched 12 Monkeys. I enjoyed the show way more than I thought I would.
Monday morning when I woke up, I felt like junk. I was sore and my stomach hurt. The Man took pity on me and brought cancer kitty to the vet to get her Fentanyl Patch changed. I bummed out all day and stooped so low as to get to Little Caesars for dinner. I regret nothing. Their bacon wrapped crust is going to be the death of me.
Yesterday I brought Andy (aka Drew Drew) to the vet for a wellness exam and to get his shots. The vet called Andy a big ol’ Tom cat. Yup. He is. He’s a total pain in the butt. Andy was given a clean bill of health and will be returning on Friday (along with Jake) to get neutered. Is it wrong that I’m looking forward to this? My two wild boys are absolutely crazy and I know this quick, routine surgery will really help them out.
Last night I dragged Toothless out of her hiding spot. Her fur looked terrible, little crusty flakes every where. I spent some time brushing her and petting her. Normally she loves attention. She rolls on to her back, paws at my hands, chirrups and purrs. There was none of that. In fact, she seemed like she might be in pain. Her eyes weren’t as clear and she seemed so out of it. As I lavished her with attention and my love, it occurred to me … why am I keeping her alive? Is it for her or me? Is she hurting? Is she suffering? She trusts me so completely. I can’t fail her.
I had assumed the time to say good bye would be when she became crippled. It’s such an obvious thing. What if her pain meds no longer work? What if she’s hurting? There is no hope… I shouldn’t keep her alive until her spine gives out if she’s in pain. What’s going through her head? Does she know her time on this Earth is almost up? I couldn’t help but tear up and feel despair wash over me.
I tested the man while he was at work. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is, I think Toothless is getting worse. I think she might be hurting. We need to reevaluate this situation. The Man suggested we see how the next couple of days goes. Toothless has cancer. She’s bound to have some bad days.
The good news is that Saturday morning I get to bring Tyrion home. I’m glad he comes home before Toothless passes. He will never replace her. No one will replace her. She is priceless. Tyrion will however help ease the pain.
Last night I was watching Halloween with the kids. Andy was snooping around a plastic bag in the kitchen. Some how he got the bag stuck around him. He panicked. Like a bullet he shoot off through the house, ricocheted off the furniture, spilling cups, sent books tumbling to the floor. I didn’t realize his predicament (thought he was fighting with Jake) until he ran to me, jumped over me, and hid behind the couch. That’s when I noticed the bag trailing closely behind him, like a parachute. He hid behind the couch and shredded the bag. It was absolutely hysterical. I laughed so hard, it hurt. At least he made me smile.