The Lonely Ache

I feel very alone right now. Where you ache to the core. I know you’re going to leave this weekend and not talk to me during the entire duration. I’m not allowed to come with you, because our mutual friends are all your friends. You can say I can go anywhere I want, but just not the city you’re in. Where I want to be the most, with you. There’s no more tears left to be shed. But the aching is so deep.

I moved over two thousand miles to be here with you today. I told myself it will be okay, because I have you. You are the person that I need the most. I’ll be okay as long as you were there by my side. But now you’re way ahead of me and I’m back here trying to struggle to keep up. You told me just to make new friends. It’s easy for me. It’s harder for you and you had all these friends since childhood. But the only reason why I made these friends because I went to school with them… I don’t have that crutch to make friends anymore. I’m not even sure how make friends anymore. It scares me to share myself with someone else.

The aching in my heart is deepening.

I was okay being alone before I met you. It wasn’t comfortable, but it didn’t phase me as much because I was alone most of the time. But then you offered me your companionship and the knowledge of how to be alone flew out the window. Now the thought of being alone makes me not want to know exist. I don’t know how to exist with this silence anymore. 


Today you smiled around me. I feel a little bit of warmth edge in. 

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