August 17th

It’s been hard to keep up with this. I had intended on this being a part of my daily routine, but so much has been going on that I’ve not had the time to. So maybe, a once a week entry would suffice, if I’m unable to do so more often.

… And now, it’s hard to think of anything to say. I’ve spent too long staring at a blank screen, trying to remember what I’ve done this week. I believe this might be a product or symptom of my depression. What did I do today? I don’t remember. What did I do this week? I don’t remember. I feel like I’m lost in fog. My head is hazy, my eyes are weak, and I’m completely disoriented.

I’m not sure if it was yesterday, or the day before, but I went to the mall. My mom wanted to go, and she asked if I’d be willing to take her. And since I had the day off, I figured I could oblige. Consider it pay back for all the times my parents took me to the mall. (Actually, my parents only took me once or twice. I usually walked, it was less than two miles away from my house. But we’ll pretend I’m just returning the favor.) I remember getting up early. I like getting before the sun, when the world is still, the streets are hushed, and not even the birds have risen to make songs. All is quiet, and it’s calm. The world is new, and fresh, and in that moment, it is mine. We ran a few errands and drove until the both of us (my fiance and I, that is) got hungry. I had a pancake breakfast, because I’m a toddler apparently. From there, I’m pretty sure we sat on the couch for a couple hours, cuddled up beneath an open window. The weather was so nice. I can’t remember if I took a nap or not, but I remember wanting to.

After our post pancake cuddle, we drove the two hours out to my family’s house. It’s always so beautiful there. My family lives on a hill in the middle of the forest. The canopy of trees over head, the river running beneath the bridge from the right, and the wild fauna you see on the drive, all of it is simply breath taking. Thinking about it makes me homesick. Every time I come home again, I ask my fiance to drive slowly with the windows down, regardless of the weather, just so I can take it all in. It’s the most beautiful mile long drive you’ll ever experience.

Once there, I drove my mom to see my aunt just around the block. She finally settled in her new home, and we had to deliver a few things to her. And, I wanted to get a look inside. Truth be told, I’ve been in the market for a new home for a while now. The one we live in now, we own, and it’s a 100 year old 1.5 story with three bedrooms and a single three-piece-bathroom. It’s small, and I hate it. If we weren’t locked into this mortgage, that house would have been mine. But, at least one of us got it before it slipped away.

Back on the road, and another hour and a half to the mall. We get drinks on the way, and I’m not sure if we ate. I know I didn’t, but I think my fiance may have. The mall was pretty packed, and getting in and out of the shops was a nightmare. I could feel myself becoming overstimulated by the smells and sounds and colours. We got a few things (my mom bought us several very expensive, very nice candles. Win!) and had to leave in a hurry. My mom had to be at temple by 5:30 and we were running late. We hurried to a grocery store, bought flowers and fruit for the ceremonies, and I dropped her off there. I’m not religious, so naturally, I didn’t go with her. I came home, and played a few video games we picked up while at the mall. A Dragon Ball tekken type game, and a Digimon Adventure game. We don’t have many multiplayer games, so my fiance and I bought a few to spend some quality time together. Hopefully, this’ll turn out better than Mario Party. Pro Tip: Don’t play Mario Party OR Mario Kart with anyone you love, if you’d like to continue loving them. Just trust me on this one, both are relationship ruiners.

And now it’s today. Sunday. I’ve cooked a few meals here and there, and done nothing extraordinary outside of housework and yardwork. The weather is at least nice. It’s gorgeous, really. I’ve spent most of today close to a window, watching the sun through the leaves and taking in the warmth. It’s a lazy, comfortable kind of day. This is a hazy I can appreciate. I’ve been burning incense and a few of the nicer candles we got from Mom. My cats are cuddled close. I am on the verge of a nap.

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