“Someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons you must leave. Because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen, out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready.”
Where do I begin.. Continuing the storm that has been surrounding me for the past three months. I’m tired. No, I’m exhausted. No, I’m miserable.. I don’t feel anything but pain anymore. I don’t know what my heart desires because just receiving some sort of love fills my cup, but am I seeking it from the right person? How do you know if something is worth the fight, worth the constant battle for truth and honesty? I can say that for him, I am not worth it. That is why he walked away in the first place, why he showed love and affection to someone else, because it wasn’t worth it. So why should he be worth it? Why should I continue to be in pain and confusion?
Because you know what I am scared of? Letting go of someone that matters so much to me, to watch them fall apart, or succeed and have to be on the sidelines. Because what if I walk away and he realizes that he messed up. Then what? Then I go back…? I thought that he was all I’d ever need, damn I still feel like he is all I will ever need, but I can’t continue walking on eggshells. I can’t continue to wait for him to prove that I’m all that matters to him, because clearly I am not.
At the end of the day I need to determine what I am willing to put up with, and if it is worth it in the end? Outweighing EVERY single outcome: Can I live with this constant battle to have him-> a) Choose me, love me and eventually make me his for life? b)Choose me temporarily all to have him abandon me again for a nice ass…
Is it worth the fight?