this and that

i haven’t slept more then 3 hours in the last 48 hours i dont know why  its not like im not tired but lately ive been having a hard time sleeping and when i do sleep the dreams i have are really creepy not wake up crying creepy but more dark and weird and of course i dont remember them but i do know ive had those dreams before but not one after the other when i use to dream it was ones i didnt want to wake up from .

my life isnt bad i have a mom who tried her hardest to raise 4 kids on her own she tried to give us what we wanted and what other kids had but it wasnt easy my dad was forced to have me and my sister on every other  weekend when we were younger as we two are the only ones with the same dad (mom isnt really good at picking her men) as we got older my dad always asked my sister to watch our brother he had with our stepmom he would always buy her things really expensive things and didnt want really anything to do with me i mean he didnt do it right in my face when i went with my sister on the weekends nothing much happened it was only the weekends i wasnt there that she got all the stuff as i got older i stopped going and he didnt care he always called her on her birthday and on mine i was always waiting on the inside of course i didnt show anyone how much it hurt me that my dad could just push me to the side like nothing and in the last 5 years or so he stopped talking to my sister too she took it really hard she still talks to him here and there even though i dont know why she would put so much effort into someone who obviously doesnt want us if i ever saw him i dont know what i would do id want to yell and scream at him or be nice in the fear of what he would say but i dont want to make a seen or act as if every thing hes put us through is ok sometimes i hate him so much that its hard to breath other times im so upset that my only father doesnt care about me his own daughter i hear and see all these happy fathers and daughters and it hurts so much 

not to long ago i was walking my dog headphones it not doing anything out of the norm and a car drove by and i felt something hit my head and arm and leg i thought maybe the car kicked something up and so i glared at them but kept walking that is until i saw blood so i was freaking out but tried my very best to not freak out so i called my mom and told her what happened so she drove over to get me and while standing there and waiting you start to think it over as of what all just happened and a lot didnt make sense the car wasnt going fast enough to kick stuff up and it didnt all hit me at once it felt like it took her an hour to come get me so when i got into the car i just broke down crying i was scared and my head was throbbing so bad so she took a look at it and it was a small hole so we dropped my dog off at home and went to the hospital the wait was like 6 hours finally when i got looked at and we told the guy what we thought really happened and he look as if he didnt believe me so we waited another 3 hours in a room as they cleaned it up and waited for the doc then got x-rays and i dropped my pants for them like 3 times and they said they were glad they took them because as we said was true someone drove by and shot me with a BB gun  my arm and leg both had a bad welt and i had a BB in my head so i got a tetanus shot and they tried to feel for it which hurt soooooo much not as bad as having wisdom teeth taken out and not taking the meds in time but close so they couldnt feel it and said the werent comfortable with digging around so close to my eye so they called the cops and we made a report but nothing came of that had to go to a specialist and they didnt get me in fr a whole month and they said there was nothing the could do that if they tried taking it out it could cause different issues like a eye sag and i already have issues with the way i look i didnt want to add to it oh and did i mention i couldnt open my mouth even half way open because of all the swelling for 3 weeks that was fun.

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