Let me Introduce you to Stew…Sorry other Stew’s

I suppose today is the day I will tell you about the monster within me. He’s big and bad and likes to chomp at my soul. For the most part he spares those around me but only because I force him. Some days, he crawls out and hangs on my back, whipping me with harsh words to remind me how weak and pathetic I really am. I call him Stew. Though, “Strgtpckup, ” may mean something to you, when he told me that was his name my comfortable vernacular had to  settle on something a little easier to chew on. Sorry to other Stews out there but, this is not a compliment. I could take you back to when Stew first grew inside me but, I think that’s a story for a later date. Today I liked to stick with the prominent burden of his current menace ways. Exhibit A: I’m heartbroken and in the process of changing from a female to a male aka I’m transgendered, pre hormone therapy and pre surgery! I have been laying in bed today, feeling a little apathetic to take on the challenge of school.

Here he comes, crawling out yelling at me! “You’re not going to school? You’re a weak bitch! No wonder she left you! She didn’t love you! She never meant it when she said it to you. You aren’t worthy of love!”

I go to open my mouth and say, “But, I tried and…” 

“No, literally you’re nothing…” His voice trails off for dramatic effect. 

Sorry to end on that note but, we seem to be getting into a heated debate. It’s more one sided with him leading and I can’t think over his incessant babbling!



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