Muddled Thoughts

I was just trying to sleep when a swarm of thoughts hit me. Do you get those?

They did not creep up, you see, I have been mauling over them for a short bit now, whomever tonight they are at their peak annoyance. So, I have decided to write them down in hopes it will calm my mind and allow me to sleep.

If you are reading this and choose to continue reading, I must warn you these thoughts are mostly, perhaps completely, about a particular friend of mine. We will call her Milton (just go with it).

Milton is a female, in case you didn’t catch on in the previous sentence. She is short at 5’2″, give or take an inch or so, and a very small person (AKA thin). She has somewhat dull dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, and wears glasses. She has a nasty habit of biting her nails, they are currently nubs (literally), and though I plead for her to stop, she still naws them away. Milton  is a very confused young lady. She’s a major flirt and tease (though she consistently denies it, everyone knows it’s true); she very much likes being the center of attention.

Before we get too ahead of ourselves I would like to say that I am not annoyed that she flirts with everyone and loves attention. Whomever, I would like to complain about some other things that bothers me, please don’t hate on me if this is shallow. 

Let us reverse back to her physique. As I said earlier she is rather tiny. Me being 5’6″ and much ….. beefier (not fat, just broader if that makes sense, more muscular from going to the gym), I look like a giant compared to her. This I am okay with, I am used to it and I am averagely confident about myself. What I am annoyed with is her opinions and self-confidence towards the comparison. She constantly tells me she is fine with her body, borderline egotistical about it, but then somehow she reverses it. Milton becomes shallow and fishes for constant compliments. If I don’t compliment her, she will start telling me how thin she is and shows me her flat stomach and she’ll borrow my clothes and act surprised at how my small shirt and medium bottoms are loose on her and throws some more comments about how small she is. It’s like she’s purposely trying to make me feel bad about myself to make her feel better.

Are you still with me? Does this make sense? I feel like my thoughts are flying everywhere.

Trust me when I tell you that I have talked about it to her before. I told her exactly how I was feeling and I brought up how she may not be as confident about her figure as she obsessively says she is, but she got very offensive and dropped the topic nearly immediately. I did not want to aggravate the subject any longer so I let it slide, hoping she got the hint and thought about how I felt she was acting towards me. Needless to say, she didn’t. I am no longer sure how to approach the topic without her getting offensive again and complaining that maybe I’m the problem.

I thought about me being the problem. I could be overreacting, but I feel like my reaction is under control and well thought out. So I tossed that idea out. I thought about me being jealous, but I am not the majorly jealous type. Sure I would love to have a small body type, but I know my body cannot physically get that small, my bones are simply too wide. I have come to terms with my figure and I do not see how a tiny bit of jealousy would make such a big dent in how I react to her. Is my confusion understandable?

Do you see why I am annoyed?

Another problem that has grasped at my thoughts tonight is her constant complaining. She complains about how much work her school projects take, yet she wastes days doing nothing when she could have done her project(s).

After complaining about how unattractive she is she  rampages about how no one has a crush on her, yet we know at least two men do have crushes on her, but she says they don’t count because she does not like them back. She complains about her other friends to me, or about how I have friends and she does not.

Milton is – though I do not believe in ‘bests’ – my best friend. She is the closest person to me at the moment and I tell her everything. I am an honest person, I have told her exactly how I felt, yet she has chosen to ignore it and reverses things and starts to get sensitive as if I have attacked her. Even though I feel as if we both are equal in strengths and weaknesses she’s constantly trying to be better me. This hurts me the most.

Why must there always be competition? 

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