I had my first panic attack today since you helped them stop and since you left me, i wanted help and have someone distract me but there was nobody. I couldn’t call my mum or my friends or my neighbor and i couldn’t call you. I didn’t want you to think it was a cry for attention, it’s my heart breaking again, I’m experiencing these feelings i have never felt before and it’s scaring me so much. The thought that in a few months time i’m never going to see you again set my mind into a frenzy. I see how this was all my fault now, I see what a truly amazing person you are and how much your happiness means to me, even if it’s not happiness with me. Even if it kills me to watch and pretend and smile, i will do that for you because i truly and honestly love you.