I’m A Mess

If I could describe myself accurately in one word right now, that word would be mess. Quite honestly and literally I am a mess. I don’t really know what I’m doing with my life. As has been said many times by Dan Howell, I’m having what’s called an existential crisis. I’m constantly having the feeling that I’m not doing anything that will amount to anything. I feel like I’m in a downward spiral going nowhere fast. I’m confused. I’m conflicted. I’m going everywhere yet going nowhere. It’s not that bad things have happened in my life, most things have kind of been neutral. That’s what is so confusing. If nothing has happened to make me feel this way, why do I feel so hopeless all of a sudden? I’m always lonely. I’m depressed. Why? There’s no reason for me to feel like this. I have plenty of friends. I have things I want to do and places I want to go. But I’m suffocating. I want to be independent and learn how to help myself. Because any advice I could be given, I’ve already been given. And yet here I still am. 

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