I am so completely disgusted with myself. I am a washed out drunk. I hate my job, I hate my coworkers, i hate my life. I hate getting out of bed in the morning, and I do not believe there is any relief in sight. This is all my life is or ever will be. I have worked hard my whole life and never accomplished anything. I used to believe in God and I would pray and go to church and worship. I surrendered myself, I volunteered, I gave money I didn’t really have to spare. I did EVERYTHING I thought would win God’s favor, but it didn’t amount to squat. I lost everything and now I just live to pay rent and eat. that’s all life is, that’s all life has been for the past 10 years.nothing is going to change that. Certainly not God. i drink every day just to numb myself from the frustration of a shitty job, and the fact that I can barely survive. Every night I go to bed hoping I will not wake up in the morning. I really really hate myself.