You won’t know because I won’t tell you but today, I really said goodbye too Teana. I said goodbye to all of my fantasies, my nostalgia, all of those ‘ifs’ and ‘maybes’ I was holding onto. And not just for your sake. It is tiresome to be so pathetic and self loathing and to not quiet commit. To walk on the edge and not let yourself be fully present is easy but not worth it. I’m scared you will never forgive me and so I push you away, a coward in the face of potential rejection. But that is no way to live and it is a worse way to love someone. You deserve more than that. And if you’ve chosen me (even just for now), I better live up to or I’ll have worse regrets than letting Teana go. I’ll lose you.