and continues ….

April 25th, 2016 (Monday)

430am – So around 1130pm last night Hub told me to take a nap so I could be awake when he was getting ready fo work … I woke up a little startled only to see the hub dressed for work running out of the house … It was already after 3am – I asked him why he didn’t wake me and he says he tried a couple times … Sunday was the first time I’ve really slept in the past week/week and a half … I think the stress is finally getting to me … but I feel bad for not being awake for him, I’m not even sure what he actually took for lunch … I sent him a message saying I’m sorry for not being awake and that I feel likewe haven’t seen each other – I Miss my Husband, I Miss Us …. The message shows that it was delivered but he hasn’t read it.  This is one of those pet peeves, He doesn’t acknowledge or respond to my messages but Heaven forbid I not respond to him – Double Standard

As much as I have slept in the past 24 hours, sitting here writing this I know that I could fall asleep at the drop of a tear … I think my body is trying to tell me something – Just wish we could feel like “US” again …

500am – It’s now 5am and the world outside my windows is waking up … A chopper hovering already, I can hear my teen moving around in bed (not awake but almost) and all I really want right now is to feel like me again and I’m not completely sure how to make that happen – I feel I deserve to have a mental/emotional breakdown right about now but Lord knows, I just don’t have time for that

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915am – So, I crashed out again – the Teen woke me up and then my Mom called … And here come the tears … She asked, I said it was a bad week – She asked more and I spilled it (so that explains the tears) … OMG I’m soooooo tired of crying but I do feel better that I’ve told her (a general overview – no way to tell her about the phone calls or texts or websites)

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130pm – So one of my tenants has become a very good friend (we call her Ninja) and last night she messaged me about calling the plumber and I told her that I would take care of it today and explained that it was just an extremely bad week ….

She pulled in this afternoon (which is completely normal) and just walked in the back door (again, completely normal) … She came to check on me and what do you know … Here come the tears again.  I actually gave her more info that I gave Mom but that’s probably because she’s not my mother and she is single and younger than us so she would get it a little more … Again, I feel a little better that I’ve been able to somewhat get it out … The journaling seems to help at least some but I think until Hub really owns the situation, I’m just kinda hanging in limbo ….

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