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Choices

Written July 2014

Your parents may be gone from this world but you are not alone. I made the choice to bring you in one day, a day that forever changed a lot in many of our lives. The decision to bring you in was one I did not even stop to think about. I did not ask the other members of the household at the time, I just did it.

I was made to think for following months I had made a grave mistake, that I was wrong. I was told I did not include people in the choice. They are right, I didn’t include anyone. It was my choice to do it and I did it. It put a major crack in an already struggling marriage. I knew it at the time and I did it anyways.

Was it fair, maybe not, but it was what needed to be done.

You carried potential but the way your life was going your potential was slowly fading away being stolen from you by people who claim to be blood but only have their own agendas a head of theirs.

I parented you when you did not want a parent; I loved you even when you could not love yourself. I scolded you, I yelled at you, and I did all the things children hate a parent for. I have fought with you, but I have also guided you. I have tried to make you open your eyes and see the important side of things. I tried to cram all I could in a year, the things you missed out on in 17 of them.

You hated me for a very long time, but that’s okay, your life needed to go on a certain track and you are there. You where robbed of much of your childhood and you can’t get that back, but you can give it to your daughter. You can ensure she has the life you did not have.  

All you have ever wanted is a family, blood means a lot to you. But someday you will come to learn blood does not make a family. A family are the people who pick you up and push you to be better today then you where yesterday. Families are those who choose to love you, when they don’t have too love you.

There are many times will you have felt alone, angered, and what purpose did you have. You hated yourself and tried to be someone you where not. You have your faults, many due to the life handed you. But there are moments when the true you shines and you are not looking at your past, but to your future and your present.

You have done things to hurt people, to push them away, but you have tried to redeem yourself in many ways.  Only you can push yourself from this point forward and become the man you are meant to be, not the man you think you should be born of childhood thoughts.

At this point in time, no one knows where life will bring you, what paths will open up before you. While your parents maybe gone of this world, I made the choice to bring you, to care for you, to grow to love you. In the end, I will always be there for you as a mom and a friend. To pick you up, to guide you, to help you, someone who lets you know you’re not alone in this world.

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