Oh Dear… Where to begin?
Does it ever feel like no matter what you do, how much you do , or how hard you try your world around you just keeps falling apart?
Things just never seem to ever get better…ever!
I have been with my partner now for almost four and a half years and we have a one year old together and for majority of the time we have been together he has had a drinking/drug problem. I have recently found out that he has depression and this is what fuels his problem. Now I don’t understand what goes on in his head and how his depression makes him feel so really I cant blame him completely even tho I do blame him. I do know it’s not an easy thing to deal with, as I have seen first hand. But when he doesn’t want to talk to me and keeps pushing me away and won’t get any help I don’t see why I can’t say what I feel.
When he tells you that he gives up and is sick of everything, that breaks my heart that even if he wont get better for himself or even for me, do it for your daughter. This has been going on for months now and still he seems to get out of going and seeing a doctor to get some professional help.
Not only have I had to deal with this, as of today I get accused of not letting him spend time with our daughter because I sent her to my mums yesterday so I could go out for a few drinks with some friends.(which I never get to do because my life revolves around doing everything for him and caring for our daughter.) He reckons I never let him look after her and that I always go off to my mums places and he never gets to see her. When realistically this is what its like:
- I asked mum to look after her because he had just finished a twelve hour shift at work and was looking out for him letting him sleep and not have to worry about looking after our baby
- the amount of times he was supposed to be here to look after her while I went to work he couldn’t because he either didn’t show up at home or was too hung over and off his face still to look after her. And I’m not going to leave her with him while he isn’t all there cause if something happened to her I would never forgive my self , hence why I sent her to mums, where I know she is safe and I don’t have to worry the whole
- the times I go to mums is when he has been out all night drinking and comes home at all hrs of the morning, I don’t want to talk to him cause it’ll only start a fight so I go else where, and it just so happens its to mums cause I don’t actually have that many friends.
- plus I work four nights a week and he only has to care for her for two of them. He has every opportunity to pick her up from my mums on his way home from work the other two nights but he chooses not to and has the nerve to whinge at me about not getting to see her. I have told him plenty of times to pick her up he is her father he should be doing it anyway.
So please tell me that I’m not wrong in what I’m doing?
I don’t understand how I’m the one who has been there for him through everything we have been through (and it has been a lot). And I’m still here, still trying to make things work.
I do absolutely everything at home (and I mean everything).
I cook, clean, do laundry, I mow and whipper snipper the lawns, I do the gardening. all while raising our daughter as well as working 4 nights a week and every other Saturday. I do everything possible and it still is never enough. All he does is to go work and come home. He eats his dinner I have made for him even though I’m not there and plays his play station then goes to bed. A the nights he has our daughter his mum does most of it until its time for our daughter to go to bed and that’s when he goes to sleep as well.
He cant even clean up her toys or put his dishes in the dish washer.
So I’m about ready to give up. I don’t know what to do anymore?
And yes I know there is the option of leaving but I want our daughter to have a family and not have to be split between mum and dad every other week.
I guess I just need to keep going and think what is best for my daughter…..