Who you are.

It’s late and I’m up writing.  No surprise there,  given the fact that I used to have a blog and online journal with more than 3k monthly viewers, but I was chicken shit and deleted it.  I never thought I’d be back writing on an online journal or blog site again… And here I am. 

I’m not perfect.  I’ll be the first to admit that I’m laaaaaame. But,  I’m funny and I have charm 🙂  I would like this journal to be open to the public.  No hiding. No games. No filter.  No nothing. I want you to read what I write and feel like you know me. 

So I guess I should start by saying something clever about myself.  Hmm..  Where to begin?  :p ahh..  Let’s start with the positives. The light stuff.. The sunshine.  My name: My name is Sarah Jean. I’m 30 something and that’s all you really need to know about the age situation.  I am married to a Peruvian man who is 2 years older than I am. We have a beautiful little puppy.  I call her my baby doggy. Her name is Lilly and I did not name her that..  My mom did.  I have a pretty good relationship with my mother.  We talk every now and then and I send her things in the mail.  Speaking of relationships,  I have a very relationship with my grandmother. I love her more than anything!  She is my favorite person on this earth. We write letters to each other via mail and send packages to each other.  She just lost her husband last year and my grandfather was a great man. Even if nobody ever told him he was.  I absolutely love music.  I write it,  I sing it,  and I perform it as well..  Every weekend actually. It’s just a cover band but we thoroughly enjoy it and we’re the best of the best.  I have bunnies.  I love them.  I work,  I have the band,  and I maintain our home in Florida. I have a lot going on. Plenty of things to do,  and friends are everywhere I turn..  So you’d think I have a great life. Now for the dark side…

I struggle with infertility and infidelity. I struggle with love addiction and weight loss. I have a fucked up family history and it doesn’t ever look like it’s going to get better.  I have an older brother who is amazing.  He’s only a half brother and somehow he didn’t get the psycho half. I have a younger brother who scams everyone and everything he possibly can. He needs medical treatment for ADD among other things. He is very aggressive at times and his anger is out of control. I have a sister. She was my best friend but turned enemy when she married my father’s gay lover.  (yes..  Don’t even get me started on that!)  my father…  He was my hero for my entire life.  But living under his thumb was detrimental to my soul.  He turned somewhere along the line. Maybe he was always an asshole I just didn’t realize it. He’s gay..  He has a boyfriend that is now a US citizen thanks to my sister cashing in on a shifty deal.  It’s fucked up and I get angry thinking about it because he asked me to do it and I said FUCK NO. No amount of money would make me do that.  Ever. And only a piece of shit father would ever ask his daughter to do that.  And then get angry and slowly push me out of the family because I said FUCK NO.  Gtfoh. I cut my sister and my father off.  Do you think they Cared?  Lol.  No.  I was one less mouth to exploit their illegal plan. I hope they all get caught.  Anyway..  My mother.  We have a relationship… Now. She just came back into my life after 20 years being gone.  She’s crazy.  And when I say crazy,  I mean she’s fucking crazy.  She married the man who is a registered sex offender because of me and still has never really apologized or acknowledged it happened.  There are times where she talks to him on the phone around me and I get really angry.  They don’t live together.  She moved to Georgia and he’s here in Florida. But she visits and he goes up there from time to time. I’ve never really had stability. I’ve always been on the uphill.  Constantly climbing the ladder of life and wondering when I’ll finally be free.  

So I guess I’m writing to say hello.  It’s me. Not Adele,  but Sarah Jean.  I’m a beautiful, strong, patient, loving, happy person.  I will make you laugh,  I will make you cry,  I will make you think about me after you read.  I feel like my life is something that should be documented. Because you never know when you’re time is up. 



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