New Territory Ahead

I’ve been talking about it for a long time.  In fact, I have been asking for this very thing since I decided to go back to school to get my degree and use my knowledge and experience to be the person I needed and never had for someone else who is where I once was as a young teenager.  That’s what I asked for.

Now, almost a full year into the journey I started toward that goal, that teenager has shown up.  Not only has he shown up, but he is exactly who I asked for.  I want to say “be careful what you ask for because you just might get it”, but that would sound like I really don’t want what I received and would be far from the truth.  I honestly want to help.  I guess I am just surprised the universe delivered him to me so soon.  I’m barely getting my own head above water, just starting to make ends meet and get my routine down to a manageable level and now there is someone else I need to think about and guide.

Yeah – my “rival” is showing up strong, planting seeds of doubt and thoughts of backing out of my commitment.  But I can’t.  This young man actually needs someone just like me.  He has been virtually abandoned by every male role model in his life, including his father, uncle, brother, and friends.  What he needs is someone who won’t bail on him when the going gets tough.  If I back out now, it would just reinforce his lack of self-worth, self-esteem and drive to make something more for himself and his future.  No doubt it would also impact my own self-worth and my ability to follow through on my commitments.  This is too important to screw up!

So, what the heck do I know about a 15-year-old kid?!  His music is the polar opposite of mine.  His culture is foreign, his family and their language are foreign, and I’m a single 56-year-old man working two jobs, volunteering one day a week, full-time night school student, trying to find my own way in the world after a three and a half decade long brain-fog of a life filled with drugs and alcohol and bad decision-making.  I did a great job of my recovery, but it’s still a struggle to stay focused and do the hard work to dig out of the rut I used to live in each and every day.

Sure, my plan was to make my mess my message and to help others out of the addiction cycle and to mentor people looking to change their lives and find their passion.  But this?  Wow.  Just….wow.  It’s a little bit scary, to tell you the truth.

I’m not going to quit this time.  I  have no idea what the hell I am doing, but I do know that I am going to give this young man 100% of my effort.  I sure hope my spirit guides are with me on this, because I am going to need them more now than I ever have before.


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