Nineteen years ago…..

You gave me my engagement ring….it was mom and dad’s wedding anniversary too. Have you seen them?  I miss them too but I like to think they are together again…it was a long three years for daddy without mom. You were there for me and my whole family when mom died…she just slipped away while daddy was out running errands. We were between checks but you got us there….you were so wonderful in every way that week…you just seemed to know what to do..how to handle my anxiety…you always did…and you were the only one who could make me be okay. I remember the plane trip home…we had to sit across the isle from each other but we still held hands when no one was trying to get by…I’ll never doubt how deeply you loved me…I always saw it in your eyes and in your actions…it never entered my mind that a week later you would be…..not here anymore. I thought it was a bad dream for longer than I knew could be true…but I thought maybe something happened to me and maybe I had been in a coma and maybe I had a bad reaction to medication. I begged the universe longer than I knew was logical for it not to be true. I begged you to come and get me…I  slept with your ashes for months. I couldn’t stand the pain and I wanted to kill myself. It felt like it was me who died and there was a he’ll after all….I’ve never been the same since…If you see mom and daddy, tell them I love and miss them. As always baby, I love you.

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