Just why…Why do you not care?

Why in the world when someone has medical issues gonna on people say they care but yet they don’t.. The loves ones aren’t there for them.  I have seen it happen so many times.  Wife or husbands get sick and there spouse leaves them. I never understood it and I knew that person probably just wanted to die.  Now  its happening to me.. I don’t understand it.. I feel so alone.  I married the man I was in love with sense I was in elem. school.  My kindgarten boyfriend till 10 grade when we split up thanks to his sister.  We split and I met another guy had a child with him got engaged and then we split.  Afterwards me and my ex got back together after 4 years.  it was like we had never split up.  I still loved him.  I had never stop.  He loved my son.  Raise him like his own.  We got married and had three children together.  Been together now for 15 years.  We have had our fair share of ups and downs.  Left him three years ago for two weeks but couldn’t take it.  He was all I knew besides my boys. They had beg me to also to go back to him.  We been ok every sense I mean we still have or ups and downs but we get thru them.  Up intill like 6 months ago that is.  Hes changing again back to his old ways.  Drinking again, working all the time, making  smart comments to everyone, arguring with my oldest son, not spending time with us.  I just don’t get it.  Him and my oldest cant get along for nothing nomore.  Now I started having all kinds of issues going on with my health.  It started a year ago just coming and going pains in my back.  I went to hostipals they say I just pulled a muscle.  Then the leg pain came.  Now to make a long story short we just moved in feb. after a week being here I started walking down the steps and my leg gave out.. Put me in bed for two weeks.  Went to doctor and found out my back is so mess up and my nerves in my legs its not even funny and they don’t even know why.  Now I’m having to use a walker bc I cant feel my leg on one side or both of my feet.  SO I cnat go much places and when I do I’m in pain.  My husband is having to work and come home and clean up the house and take care of all the things I use to do but can no longer do.  I’m been a homemaker all these years took care of everything in the house and the kids all by myself.  Now I cant do any of that . It hurts it really does.  Now on to my point of this .. My so called husband is coming home cussing and yelling about the house everyday and about he cant handle all of this crap..  He theartens to leave so many times now sense all this is going on.  Well my mom came over and told me some more health things going on that could be some of my problems something that runs in our family and what does he do … says well heck now I got to worry about that crap..  He makes me feel so freaking bad.  I hear everyday about how hes working all these hours and hes the one paying the bills nobody else.  Well ok u have me who cant even stand and you have my four boys that are all still in school home schooled by the way,  Three of them are under 9 years old and you have my oldest who is 16.  I’m so tired of it.He makes me feel so worthless.  I need him more than anything right now and he aint there for me.  He thinks everything is a joke.  I hear things like well if u get up maybe u wouldn’t have this problem.. I fall all the time.  My boys is my biggest help.. They keep me going.  He has become so distance from me.  He comes home from work and comes in starts talking about his job then goes down stairs complaining.  I don’t see him till he comes to bed unless hes bringing something in the room or something.  In bed he just goes to sleep.  when he leaves in the mornings he kisses me and tells me he loves me and leaves.  I’m dying inside.  It hurts so bad.  My boys is seeing him and saying he don’t care about me.  I’m just in my room and when I go downstairs he goes upstairs.  Ive tried to talk to him and it turns back on me like always.  Sometimes I just wonder where I would been if I had stay split up from him.  ALl my boys tell me they want me to get a divorce.  They are tired of it.  But the thing is I love him.  Hes all I know.  I tell the boys we wouldn’t have nothing if we left bc I cant work right now.  and he has ran my family and friends off along with his. Its like I’m dead to him..I just cant believe that health issues could split up two people after all we been thru.. I told myself if he wants to leave I’m not gonna stop him I mean heck bascilly now hes just here that’s it.  Sometimes I just wish I would die but then I think no I have my boys that depend on me and they don’t want to be left with him especially my oldest son.. He hates him but that’s because he abuse me long time ago,    I’m just so lost.. I’m just ready to give up. 

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