I have a great boyfriend, better than I deserve. But Ive never felt more alone, I don’t know why though. I do love him, at least I think I do. I always love what I can’t have.
There’s some other guys I’m talking to. These guys named K, B, H, and N. I don’t know why I want them.
First let me explain my name. “Misunderstood MVP” – I was raped when I was 15. By this guy named B. I met him the day before he hurt me. We went to camp together. After he raped me all his friends called me “MVP” (most valuable player.) That is how I not only lost my virginity, but myself. I fell for him and dated him on and off for two years. Even when I dated other guys. I don’t know why. Im not really talking to him like that anymore.
I don’t count rape as losing my virginity. I started dating H sophomore year, and loved him. We dated over a three years on and off a couple of times. He cheated on me. And even though I gave my love out, I always got hurt. I don’t feel like I deserve love. I don’t feel like I deserve anyone.
Those were the first two guys, out of many. I started searching for love through sex.
N- I thought I was in love with him. We dated only a month and moved in together. We got a dog together. I didn’t think I deserved him so I fucked up and left.
B- my current boyfriend. He’s perfect. Too perfect and I feel like I’m going to screw it up with him too.
Im confused. But Im not stressing over anything right now. Stay in tune.