Sorry

I’m sorry life
I’m sorry I cut
I just love it when the blood clots
Just like you control my thoughts
I’m sorry baby
I’m sorry mum
I’m sorry dad
I’m sorry future children
I’m sorry I’m too weak
My thoughts go on for weeks
I wish they would go away and come back another day
Is it scary that I see the barrel of a gun to my head
Pulling the trigger now I’m dead
Wow that’s nice
That’s how my mind controls
It pulls me where it wants to go
Which path I choose
I can’t get lost
I wake up and I make a wish
I wish I were dead cold lips
cold still
cold and stiff
How you live amazes me every day
But I’m too weak to live another day
How why they ask
I can’t even deal with one task
Live they say
Live another day
I love myself I guess
But I’ll get pushed down

I drown
I bring everyone down
I am depression
You want to deal with me
Can you deal with hell
Cause I’m hell on a bell
Ringing in your ear
Worrying you my dear
You are so great you may not think it
But you keep me living
And that’s all I ask for cause I’m dealing
How you say
I try to be awake every day
I don’t want you to kill yourself just cause I made a mistake
I will have lots of days
I just ask you to stay
I’m sorry future children
I couldn’t put the knife down
I’m sorry my scars scare you
They will teach you it doesn’t help
And that you don’t want to make a noose out of a belt
I will help you through it all
But my scars will scare you all
You may start
And that’s my fault
I’m sorry I failed you
I screwed you
I messed you up
So don’t look up
To my arms I beg you

For I have forsaken you
By the scars that scream at you
Who tell you to do things
Don’t listen to them
For they are my past that haunts me
That brings me to my knees
Begging why me
Why did you do this to me mum
And I will say nothing for there is no word for how I feel
I will cry looking at you begging why
Just as my mum did to me
For I help you up and keep you safe
Away from me is great
You will try it one day
I’m a disappointment
The knife controls me
It begs me
I hurt but you hurt more
I’m sorry
I’m sorry
I’m sorry

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