That moment that you make her feel like an option, that moment you put her second, third, and fourth you lose her. You lose her when you become comfortable and put her away for when you need her. It’s like flipping through the channels of a t.v. show, only to stop when the show is temporarily interesting. Yes, you ended up choosing her, but you weren’t intrigued enough by the mundane things to desire to stay, and she is soon going to choose to not choose you.
Ultimately, looking at it from your standpoint you probably are confused. The ultimate thing that you made a decision on was choosing to be with her. To love her, when it’s easy, right? But what about when she is cranky, or hurting, or when you want to flip through the channels of life. So you abandon her when she really needs it and wants it. And to you it doesn’t make sense. You were there for this, so can’t you take a play off…but you can’t. Because for three months you took plays off, choosing someone else, not something. She is scared and tired of fighting for someone who chooses when to fight for her. Because she fights even in the most calming of moments. Her life is a storm and she looks at the peace that plays within you.
And let me tell you something that probably is going to hurt a lot. If you can’t choose her all the time, please just let her go. Stop loving her, and then choosing not to. That hurts more then just leaving her. It causes her emotions to fluster on a down and upward ride through confusion. Your words and actions don’t match and she is caught thinking that she is the crazy one for doubting your “love”.
SO please, if you choose her…choose her. Because by choosing her like you chose what channel to watch, she is walking away. She isn’t one hundred percent in this, and how can you expect her to be.