Today I found out a girl I had a crush on had a boyfriend. And what’s worse, she is my friend and also a classmate, so I will still have to see her everyday for the rest of the semester.
But this diary won’t be about this.
Today I pondered over the things I have achieved. Learning how to code. Getting a lot more friends that before. Learning how to draw, at least to a minimal degree. Socialising with people. Asking a girl out, being rejected but smiling nontheless.
Scarce, simple achievements that most normal people do with ease. And yet for me this was an enormous step. However, it is not enough in the slightest.
Let me tell you about myself. I am a 184 cm height and 82 kg weight typical 18 year old male. I am as vanilla as they come – no tatoos, piercings, mostly semi formal clothing. I am slim, but unfortunatelly without alot of muscle mass. My hair is black, wavy and almost always untidy, and my face with its extremely thick eyebrows looks sort of evil. Not really interesting, I am afraid.
My interests are drawing (at which I am bad), video games, anime, reading books and playing board games. I want to study electrical engineering in a foreign country. I think you can tell why those achievements I talked about before were so hard to achieve.
So why am I writing this diary (blog thingie?) here? To ramble, obviously, about how life is hard and unfair /s. No but really I need to get better. A lot better.
See, I’ve been feeling kinda numb lately of not doing anything worthwhile, so I decided to improve myself – mainly physically, and some skills. I know some of them will leave me wishing I was dying, and yet I believe that burning in hell is still better that rotting away in nothingness.
So expect updates on my goals, random rambles, maybe drawings if I create something at least sorta decent, and glimpses and evaluations of my personal life. I don’t care who reads this, so I am leaving it public. Yea I like to write for myself like this, what a weirdo I am.