It’s as if nothing ever happened.
That’s what I think as I lay in your bed, kissing you goodnight and hearing your heartbeat sing me to sleep. As I lay here where I once felt so safe, I feel the same sense of warmth and love that I once felt with you months ago. As I kiss you, the butterflies flutter like they once did months ago, the goosebumps that you once created are again created with just a simple touch, and my body quivers as it once did…once more. It’s as if nothing ever happened.
It’s as if you never kissed her too. It’s as if you didn’t show love to her, in the way that was the one thing that I only shared with you, and you with me. Her lips once felt your touch, her body once shivered from your touch and her body once quivered too, but with me I forget all of that in an instant, and I don’t quite know how.
And just like that I am falling, slowly, but ever so fast. Because I told myself to guard my heart this time. To not let you consume every last drop of my being, to not be able to create the same pain that you once did, and to not let you create that same amount of happiness you once did. But I look in your eyes, like I did the first time I uttered the words, “I love you,” and I can’t help but fall, slowly, but ever so fast.
But as I say those words now I wonder what they truly mean, because you say those words too. Just as easily as you say the words, “I left you because…” and “I can leave again…” or “This isn’t worth the struggle…” And just as the words “I love you,” roll straight off of your tongue and into my heart, so do those words surrounded with sharp knives.
But I am falling slowly, but ever so fast. Trying to figure out how to love and be loved, all while protecting my heart. And sadly, by falling for you I can no longer protect my heart. Because I don’t mean enough to you to be able to make you chase or fight, you would accept me putting the cards down and leaving, and you would find a new opponent. So please just let me be on your team, be on mine. And fall quickly too.. Because I am trying to fall slowly, and yet looking into your hazel eyes, I fall ever so quickly off of the cliff whose waters didn’t catch me last time.