Oh, the problems…

This is a first for me, posting my thoughts publicly for just anyone to read. I mean Facebook has definitely been edging all of us in this direction for years, but I never thought I would indulge. I’ve been struggling with getting back into my fitness and healthy eating routines for the last year and I thought maybe writing it down might help. I’m choosing to make public posts because I’m certain I’m not the only one in this particular boat. In mid January of 2015, I decided that I wanted to overcome my life long inability to enjoy going to the gym. I got a membership and I put a month’s worth of personal training sessions on credit and away I went. After a week of being held accountable, I felt so motivated to do things on my own as well. By the time the 4 weeks and 7 sessions were up, I was hooked. I had my workouts, and because of that I was WANTING to eat better, I had work and I had sleep to do it all again. I saw results and I felt amazing, but I didn’t realize how much I had changed until months later, when the fatigue and weight came back and I saw a picture of myself taken while I was still in the groove. Anyway, shortly after I got on this kick, I met my boyfriend who was also quite active. With us living in different cities we both found it hard to be motivated to do workouts over the weekends because we wanted to spend time together doing other things. We found it hard to eat well because we wanted to have dinners out together. I’ve mostly just been blaming it on circumstance, but there’s a point where that logic doesn’t apply anymore. At first, it was because my boyfriend and I were traveling back and forth to see each other every weekend. Slowly, my routine got restricted to 3-4 possible days per week from 6-7. Ok, still manageable. But then I decided that the gym I was going to was too expensive to keep a membership at due to the decrease in the frequency of my workouts because of the travel back and forth. So I left and got a membership at a less expensive place. Trouble is, all the routines and excercises I had made into motivation were not doable with the equipment at the new place and my trainer wasn’t around to give me the stink eye when I was slacking. Anyway, blah blah blah the excuses go on. 

So now I’m at the same weight and level of fatigue I was when I started last January. I’m now in a new city (I moved to where my boyfriend lives). I’ve spent the last few months slowly becoming less and less motivated because I’ve been so stressed about finding a job that could even come close to replacing the one I left that I loved (which I have now done, thank fucking God). So I’ve had all this time on my hands and no motivation to better my body again to take up any of that time. I’ve been bouncing back and forth between “if I eat better, I’ll want to work out” and “if I work out, I’ll want to eat better”. Well which came first, the chicken or the egg? 

Then today I watched “Forks Over Knives” on Netflix and holy shit did it freak me out. I don’t think I would go as far as to say I’m prepared to go full on vegetarian, but I’m definitely a bit more motivated to make better choices. I’ve always been conscious of certain things in my diet. I don’t drink diet pop because aspartame. And I don’t replace real sugar with Splenda either because cancer. I try not to buy things with artificial dyes and sweeteners because I’m oh so concerned with what it’ll do to my body. But I can’t make a choice to eat an apple over chocolate or veggies over fries? Messed up, but most of us choose the latter because we’ve been conditioned. I refuse to be that 40 year old on 3 medications and a bunch of fragmented vitamins that will barely do anything to help my health when I could have chosen to eat better and never have those problems in the first place. 

Now… Just to follow through!

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