Spring Cleaning

Within the last few months (especially) I have had a hard time grasping what it is that I am seeing and experiencing. I cannot BELIEVE how INSTANTANEOUS certain events take place, certain opportunities open up (or abruptly CLOSE) and certain people come into my life (or LEAVE it) at the EXACT RIGHT TIME, in ways I never thought of, never expected, and perhaps even ways that I thought were the OPPOSITE of what I wanted to happen at the time. Yet when the whole picture begins forming, one puzzle piece after another, it may mesh together so differently than I anticipated, and yet it is ALWAYS what I TRULY want, at the core of the matter! I get what I give out! For example, I desire contentment, inner peace, motivation, inspiration, soul enlightenment, a partner who is just as amazing as me, badassery, community, honesty, support, family, the ability to move forward, the ability to build, to dream, to progress, to encourage, to love… all of these things are very important to me and when I lose expectation of what I think SHOULD happen, amazing things begin to blossom! As of now, they have and they continue to!

I am blessed, able, and mindful of speeding up that process by choosing to focus on how AWESOME the things are that I DO have and what a miracle I AM!

So much has happened, internally and externally, when I re-focus my attention on my confidence, doing the things I wish to do, having the conversations that are scary, making the tough decisions even with no guarantees of the future outcome. These are the things, with brave vulnerability and self examination of the mind and heart, that I believe, are essential in order to get into your FLOW. I’m there now, I’m there today, and all of a sudden I’ve stopped working for my LIFE, and my LIFE is working for ME! Things just happen!

It feels like a spring cleaning… but things are just cleaning up themselves! I have a new home (again!) as of yesterday. Tonight is my first night here at my new home with Baby Posh, Mildew, and Pool Boy. I feel incredible about my job lately (and again) as well as what brews for my future. I’m inspired. Did I need a strong and self secure partner by my side to be stirring with moment-to-moment motivation to massacre any doubt and dominate LIFE? Not for certain, but it definitely adds a new flavor! A new reason for motivation, I might add, that is of mere desire not out of survival? Perhaps. Not only to dominate my life but ours. Everything I once wanted, all the inspiration I once had? Back! Better than ever! More real. Is it possible that I could fall in love all over again with my business and the vision I once had? Perhaps! What can I achieve? How can I prosper? How might I ignite such gratifying change? Move forward with insight and a conscious way of life? Building up on up on up.

I’ve never been able to express myself better with those I care about. I have been writing a lot and I’ve never been clearer in thought. I’ve climbed over the recent past of catastrophic devastation,  severe heartbreak, and anxiety and depression that were once crippling to me. I’ve dealt and dominated on the other side of illness and health concerns. I continue to climb over these things. 

I met someone, I’ve begun to say out loud. I have this man. My Rabbit Man. Oh my god, do I ever. How domestic of me. Who would’ve thought I would be so pleased, so grateful, so in shock at this amazing GANGSTA ZEN partnership we’ve got goin’ on? At the most unlikely time (always when you least expect it?) I am unsure if my heart has ever been more open than it is now! I truly cannot express what I feel. How in depth this true feeling is for what (and who) has come into my life. How my life has changed! How amazing it is to be able to see someone that reflects yourself and to know that you are beautiful? You are beautiful. I am beautiful. We are beautiful. I am filled with love, appreciation, and a self made confidence. I can only assume that upon knowing what I deserve, only then what is deserving of me as well, is reflected!

If I look over these last few months alone, and I examine each isolated incident, each one may not have seemed ideal at the time, or maybe even of little significance. Then I look at the whole picture. I wonder why everything feels so good, I wonder how all of a sudden I could be so lucky, even when everything couldn’t be further from where I thought it would be. Life becomes delicious and each incident seems to be placed so delicately in alignment, one after the other, and for this I am in disbelief. For this, I have to shake my head in awe at how perfect my life is. Unable to mindfully fathom how everything seemingly, and truly does, “happen for reason.”

Happy Monday! 💛💛💛🔥

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